The Problem With Potter
by padfoot and prongs unite
Summary: James Potter is annoying. That has always been a fact. But what happens when his enourmous head finally deflates, he beomes a lot more sensitive and doesn't ask me out every waking moment? Oh, and did I mention we're sharing a dorm? By Prongs!
1. The Trip and The First Day

A/N: Hey! Another awesome story by Prongs! Hope you all enjoy! Thank you all for reviewing, and for reading. And I know you ALL want to review right? Of course you do!

CHAPTER 1:The Trip and The First Day

Do you know how annoying it is to be asked out by James Potter every 3 seconds? Of course you don't, that only happens to me.

I'm Lily Marie Evans and my life sucks.

"Up, up, up!" I groaned and pulled my pillow over my face. Why must my sister insist on being annoyingly peppy in the morning? I know for a fact she only does it to irritate me. Unfortunately, it works.

"Go 'way Tuney!" I yelled. So of course she bangs on the door until I get up and yank it open, ducking to avoid her fist, still raised to pound the door.

"Happy?" I growled. I'm NOT a morning person.

"Yes. You're leaving today Freak!" Petunia grinned. "Pack, get dressed, leave. See you." She ran off into her room to call her git of a boyfriend, Vernon Dursley.

I suddenly got happier. I was leaving for Hogwarts today. It would be easier to forget who was missing from the dinner table, the chair by the telly, the kitchen stove. My eyes prickled at the thought of my mother, who had been killed by a drunk driver at the very beginning of summer. I still hadn't told any of my friends.

I shook my head, then gathered my things and headed downstairs.

After grabbing a couple pieces of toast and a banana for breakfast, I towed my dad out the door. At the rate we were going, I was going to miss the train.

We got to King's Cross at 10:50 and I barreled through the barrier at 10:57.

"Bye Dad, love you!" I called over my shoulder as I sprinted towards the train. I hopped on just as the whistle sounded and the doors slid shut. I waved out the window, then dragged my trunk down the train, looking for my friends.

Suddenly, I heard "LILYYYYYYYYYYYY!" I dropped my trunk and braced myself. I felt something slam into my side and I crashed to the floor with 165 cm of hyper energy bouncing on my stomach.

"Hi Mary honey, I'm glad to see you too. Can you get off me? People are starting to stare." I said this like it was completely normal. At this point, it was. You get used to weird when one of your best friends is Mary MacDonald.

Mary's head popped up from where she had been busy squeezing out my life force and she looked up at the head poking out of compartment doors to stare at us. "Whoops, my bad." She popped to her feet and grinned at the startle faces. "What? It's _ME _guys, come on!" There was a general rumble of agreement, and people retreated back into their compartments. Lovely. My friend was so weird that tackling me in the corridor no longer surprised people. I knew I picked the right friends!

And speaking of friends, here came Marlene McKinnon and Alice Simmons, my two other best friends, skipping lightly down the corridor towards us. They stopped and looked at me on the ground and Mary bouncing energetically with no surprise at all. They too were used to Mary at this point.

"Hello you lot," I said from the floor, grinning up at them.

"You lot!" exclaimed Alice in a mock offended tone. "She addresses us as though we were common farmers or shopkeepers!" Now she had a very fake and posh accent going.

"The horror!" Marly copied Alice's accent. "As if we could ever be mistaken for peasants!"

"Not us great ladies!" Now Mary had joined in. "Why I am cousin to the Queen and the Duchess of York!"  
"And I, I am the great countess who fended off a hundred barbarian raiders with naught but 20 men at arms!" Alice exclaimed, striking a dramatic pose.

Time for Marly's two cents. "And did not my husband become a knight and I a lady for our daring missions on behalf of the Queen?"

I got up, faking a serious expression, though I felt about to explode with suppressed laughter. "Forgive me, gracious ladies, for my grievous error." I curtsied, pulling my red skirt out to either side and dipping low. "It shall never happen again."

"See that it doesn't" Alice said severely. We managed to hold the façade about 3 more seconds, then burst out laughing.

"Merlin, I love you guys!" I gasped out, throwing my arms around my best friends. "Now let's go find a compartment before Potter shows up.

We linked arms and skipped haphazardly down the corridor, levitating our trunks behind us.

We finally reached and empty compartment when I remembered something. "Guys, sorry, but I have to go down to the Head's compartment. I forgot."

Alice squealed. "How could you forget? You made Head Girl!"

"I knew it!" exclaimed Marly. "I knew you'd be Head Girl! Who's Head Boy?"

"Don't know, McGonagall didn't say in the letter."

"Well I hope he's cute!" said Mary, with a wink.

"Mary!" I laughed. "I gotta go, bye!" I ran out and down the hallway towards the Head's compartment, arriving panting and slightly late.

I opened the door and gasped "Oh my Merlin, I'm so sorry. I forgot and I-" I stopped as I caught sight of who was sitting next to McGonagall, then covered my eyes and said flatly, "Please, _please_ tell me Potter is only here to ask you a question Professor and the Head Boy is also late."

"No, Mr. Potter is the Head Boy Miss Evans. I expect you to get along. Especially seeing as you two are sharing a dorm." I uncovered my eyes to stare at our Transfiguration professor in horror.

At the same time, Potter brightened considerably. "We're living together? Brilliant!"

I glared. "No. _Not_ brilliant. Professor, how much 'sharing' is involved exactly?"

"You'll have separate rooms, but share a bathroom, common room, and small kitchen. I expect you to _behave yourselves Mr. Potter._"

Potter grinned innocently. "Me? Misbehave? Never Professor, never."

McGonagall gave him a look the clearly said _Yeah right_, and continued. "You'll organize the Prefects, starting with their meeting in about 20 minutes, and take patrols yourselves. You'll head efforts for planning any school events we may have, and you'll occasionally patrol on Hogsmeade weekends. Any questions?"

"No Professor," we responded.

"Good. Prepare something to say while you're waiting for the Prefects. Miss Evans, do try not to kill Mr. Potter. I don't have time to find another Head Boy." McGonagall stood and left, leaving me alone with the prat.

"How was your summer Lily?"

I looked at Potter suspiciously, waiting for the lame pickup line. "Fine," I lied. I hoped he would pick up on the fact that I didn't want to talk about it, but no such luck.

"What did you do?"

_Oh, lounged around the house, read some books, and watched my mother die on a hospital bed right in front of me. _"Nothing."

"Oh come on, you must have done something in 3 months."

I stood up abruptly. "I have to use the loo; I'll be back in a minute."

He looked confused, his eyebrows drawing together and his eyes full of concern. "Lily-"

"Start planning what to say to the Prefects. I'll be back to help in a minute." I practically ran out into the corridor, slamming the door behind me and rushing to the loo. I whipped open the door and sped in, banging it shut. I leaned against the wall and shut my eyes wearily. Scenes flickered behind my closed lids.

_Two mangled cars, their point of impact head on. A frantic car ride, ending in white lights, white halls, and white sheets. I hate white. It was so blank and unfeeling. There was red everywhere on her. The beeping of the heart monitor slowed and stopped. I didn't even get to say goodbye._

A strangled sob burst out of my clenched lips and my eyes flew open. They were the same scenes that dominated in my nightmares each night. The same scenes I tried to bury each morning, only to have them leap easily to the surface when I fell asleep. I hated those images and they mocked me, never letting me rest, never letting me forget, even for a little bit, that I'd never see Mum laugh or smile again. She'd never cry at my wedding or hold her grandchildren.

I took a deep breath, shoving the thoughts away. I would not cry. I could not. I had to be strong, because I was a leader and I couldn't be weak. And most of all, I couldn't let Potter see me vulnerable.

I splashed my face with water and steeled myself to face Potter again.

When I walked into the compartment, head high and tearless, I was completely calm and collected. "What have you come up with so far?"

He eyed me warily, but accepted my avoidance of the subject of summer. "We can set up pairs from different houses to patrol each night. I thought we could take each Monday night and they'll rotate around from Tuesday to Friday."

"What about Saturday and Sunday?"

"It's the weekend, let people relax."

"Alright then. When do the Prefects get here?"

He glanced down at his watch. "About 15 minutes, we still have a bit."

I sighed and sat down as far away from Potter as I could. I could tell that this term was going to stretch on forever.

"Lily. Lily, wake up." A hand was shaking me and I woke up slowly.

"Nnnngggg," I groaned. "Five more minutes."

A low chuckle. "Come on Lily, wake up. We're almost to Hogwarts. You need to put your uniform on."

I sat up, rubbing my eyes. I had been so tired that I'd finally slept without the dreams that had been waking me up, night after night for 3 months. I looked up into the hazel eyes of Potter. They were much too close and I glanced sideways quickly. I recognized the landmarks outside as meaning we were only about 2 minutes from reaching the castle. Yelping, I leapt up and ran to my trunk. "Potter, why didn't you wake me up sooner? I have no time to get to the loo to change!"

He smirked. "Beautiful as you are, you looked like you needed your beauty sleep."

I groaned. I knew the pick-up lines were lurking in there somewhere. He just decided to let the out now. I narrowed my eyes as I thought. "Close your eyes and stand facing the wall," I snapped.

"What?" He looked confused.

"I need to change _somewhere_ Potter. Close your eyes." Still smirking, he complied. I went over to the door and yanked the shade down. I changed as fast as I could, not wanting to give Potter a chance to look.

As I was buttoning up my shirt, Potter, his eyes still shut, said "You know this would be a lot more fun if I could look."

I scowled at his back. "Don't EVEN think about it Potter. I will hex you from here into next week if you even peek a little."

I could tell from his voice that he was smirking again. "I'm just saying."

"Don't make that face so much Potter, or it'll freeze like that. Oh wait, I think it already has. That seems to be the only expression you're capable of making." I quickly pulled my robe on and added, "All right, you can turn around now."

I quickly looped my tie around my neck and grabbed my wand from my skirt pocket, stuffing my Muggle clothes into my trunk and snapping it closed as he turned to face me. "Let's go."

We made our way to the exit as the train stopped at the Hogsmeade station. I hoped my friends would save me a spot in our usual carriage. Suddenly I stopped short.

"Lily? What's wrong?" asked Potter.

"What are those _things_ pulling the carriages?"

He barely glanced at the front of the nearest carriage. "Oh those? Those are thestrals. They can only be seen by those who have seen death. They're actually really gentle, but people think they're unlucky because of their association with death. I thought a bookworm like you would have come across them before." He smiled to show he was teasing.

"Shut up Potter," I said in a dazed voice, reaching out to touch the nearest one. It looked like a combination between a lizard, a horse, and a bat. Its face was reptilian, with slit pupiled eyes and a sharp nose. Its skin was leathery and black. The body and legs were horse-like, but thin in the extreme, like its skin was simply draped over its bones. Huge bat wings arched from its back proudly. It leaned into my touch and whickered gently. I noticed a scar on its right cheek.

"Hello," I whispered gently. I giggled as it nosed me in the chest. "I'm going to call you Cicatrix." It was Latin for scar, but I doubted Potter knew that. In fact he did look vaguely confused, but accepted the fact that I was naming it.

I spotted my friends and waved them over as Potter wandered away to find Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin.

"Lily, where have you been? We were worried!" Marly asked as soon as they were within earshot.

"I fell asleep after the Prefect meeting," I admitted sheepishly as we all piled into the carriage pulled by Cicatrix. "But you'll never guess who the Head Boy is."

"James Potter," said Mary immediately.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Black, Peter, and Lupin came by after you left and Black would _not_ stop _talking_ about it! We had to give him food to shut him up 'cause he wouldn't leave either."

I made a sympathetic face. "I'm sorry you guys had to put up with that. You should have just hexed him out into the corridor."

Marly laughed. "That _your_ specialty Lils. How was Potter?"

I sighed. "Pratty as ever. I think he looked up new lame pick up lines over the holiday."

They all patted my arm sympathetically and we continued the ride up to the castle, exchanging the same kind of lighthearted banter the whole way. When we got out at the castle, I patted Cicatrix unobtrusively. I could only assume that my friends couldn't see the thestrals seeing as they'd never brought them up before. I'd think someone would say "Wow, they have horse-lizards pulling the carriages!" at some point in 6 years.

The Sorting Ceremony and feast were a blur. All too soon, it was time to head up to my shared dorm with Potter.

We followed McGonagall (after an 'I hope there's a fireman around, cause you're smokin' from Potter, which I rolled my eyes at and ignored) up to a 4th floor corridor where there was a portrait of a woman in a Victorian style dress reading a book. She marked her place and looked up. "Ah, good evening Deputy Headmistress"

"Good evening Ethel. Cornish pixies."

Ethel opened to reveal a hole just like in Gryffindor Tower. I looked in and gasped. The common room was a riot of red and gold, but somehow it wasn't overdone either. There were hints of other colors (blue, green, purple) but the dominating theme was definitely Gryffindor. I could see a little of the kitchenette to the back left and there was a staircase heading up to the bedrooms and bathroom to the right. It was really nice looking, to say the least.

Potter poked me from behind. "Let me see Lily." I went through the portrait hole and moved aside to let him see. He grinned. "Nice place."

I turned around. "Thanks Professor."

She smiled. "No trouble at all. Good night you two."

"Good night," I replied.

"Night Minnie!" Potter chirped from where he was already piling a plate from the refrigerator.

McGonagall gave him a stern look, but there was a twinkle in her eye as she closed the portrait.

"Potter, we _just_ ate! How can you still be hungry?"

Lesson number one Lily. Teenage boys are always hungry." He grinned flippantly and flopped on a sofa with a plate of fried chicken. I scowled and headed up the staircase. The first door I came to had 'James' written on it in gold cursive. I walked down a short hall and came to another with 'Lily' written in the same gold cursive. I pushed it open and gasped again. The room was decked in all my favorite shades of blue (which included just about all shades of blue known to man), with some subtle green-blues and purple-blues added in. I felt as though I'd just walked into an ocean, or the sky. It was amazingly beautiful.

I walked slowly to the enormous bed, covered in sheets of the lightest sky blue with an aqua colored duvet. I put my hand on it gently, and felt the incredible softness of the covers. I was sure this bed would be the most comfortable thing I'd ever sleep in.

I turned to the walk in closet and looked inside. All of my clothes were hung neatly on racks or folded on shelves. They took up a pitiful amount of space in the huge closet that I could have easily _lived_ in.

I shook my head, and moved to the door on the other side of my bedroom. It opened to an enormous black and white bathroom. The bathtub, which was in the middle of the floor, was the size of an Olympic swimming pool and made of black marble. The sinks (which took up one whole wall) were white set in more black marble and there was a white Jacuzzi in one corner. A huge standing shower dominated the other corner with 2 toilet stalls between it and the Jacuzzi. It was impressive. I saw my toiletries sitting next to the close sink, so I went over and brushed my teeth and my hair before putting my shampoo and body wash in the shower.

I went back into my room. There was probably something better to do, but I felt like I was about to crash, so I put on my favorite midnight blue pajamas and stretched out on the bed, which felt like lying on a cloud. I fell asleep praying that I wouldn't have nightmares. Of course I was wrong.

A/N: Hit the button! You know you want to! I know you want to! At least I want to! please! This is my enjoyment in life! Dont take my happiness! Hit the review button! PLEASE!


	2. The Nightmare and The Date

**A/N: Hey, it's Padfoot! I would like to give props to Ginny Potter, not even two hours after I uploaded this, she had read and reviewed! Thank you! I would also like to give props to Sanam, because I loved her review, and we are updating right now! Thank you to everyone who read, and favorited, or alerted us! It's stuff like that, that makes us want to update faster! *hugs* Thank you, hope you enjoy!**

CHAPTER 2: The Nightmare and The Date

"_Lily, we have to go. Something's happened." The panicked face of my father appeared over me._

"_What? What's happened?"_

_He didn't answer, just pulled me away from where I was looking at books at the local library. I can still remember being vaguely annoyed, even through the fear, that I'd dropped my stack of books. We grabbed Petunia from where she was sulking at the front of the library and got in the car._

"_Dad? What's happening?" I tried again. "Tell me what's wrong!" I was starting to panic._

"_It's your mother," he said tightly. The conversation stopped there because Dad looked like he was trying not to cry, Petunia looked like someone had punched her in the gut, and I began hyperventilating._

_We passed by a car accident on the highway. Two cars had hit each other head on. One of them looked familiar, but my brain shut down and refused to believe it was my mother's car. It wasn't. It couldn't be._

_We sped down the highway, well over the speed limit, but I didn't care. I watched the cars flashing by and tried to come up with a good reason why we'd be speeding down a road towards a problem with my mother. I couldn't think of anything good._

_We screeched up to the hospital entrance, not even bother to park. We ran up to the front desk, startling the receptionist. "Katherine Evans."_

"_Down the hall and to the left, three doors in." We ran._

_I sprinted far ahead of my family easily. I whipped into the room and saw my mother lying on a bed covered in red paint. It was paint wasn't it? I had to be. It couldn't be blood. Because she had to live and no one could lose that much blood and survive._

_My brain was ahead of my heart. It knew what had happened. I just refused to accept it. I fell to my knees, crying._

"_NO!" Petunia's anguished voice came from behind me. She sat down hard beside me. Dad stepped around us and went to hold her hand. We watched her sleeping face as the heart monitor beeped, slower and slower. _

_Doctors passed in and out, giving medicine, checking monitors. And the heart monitor beeped slower and slower._

_The beeping slowed even farther. Her heart was barely beating now. It beeped… it beeped… it wasn't beeping. Why wasn't it beeping? It must be broken. That was it. They needed new monitors._

_A doctor walked in. I don't even know what his name was. He frowned and looked at the monitor. He checked her pulse. "I'm sorry. Katherine is gone."_

_What was he talking about? Mum wasn't gone, she was right here, on the bed. Without even thinking about it, I rose._

"_Lily?" My dad looked at me. I could feel tears streaming down my face. I whirled and sprinted away. Running was my escape. I bolted through the hospital doors. When I was running, I couldn't think about anything except to keep going. Some Gryffindor I was; I always ran. I realized that I was screaming as I ran. I don't even know what I was saying. I was just pouring out every little bit of frustration and anger and grief in my body, letting it flow out behind me. Letting it reach back to that cold, white hospital room where my mother had let go of life._

I woke up screaming. Potter burst through the door, wand out, looking for the threat. "Lily, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nightmare. I'm fine Potter, you can go." I managed to hold back the shuddering sobs that were racking my body until he left, but then they broke through my fragile defenses. I sat up, hugging my knees, and buried my face in my legs. I was never going to let Potter see me weak, but when I was alone, I was going to cry until I was wrung dry. I couldn't help it. Even the strongest could be weak in private. But this was the last time. I would not let myself be vulnerable again.

My exhausted body finally took over and I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. I woke a few hours later to see that it was 6 in the morning. I felt strangely awake, seeing how I was never a morning person, but I got out of bed and put on jeans and a t-shirt. I crept past Potter's room and out the portrait hole. I swung through the Great Hall and picked up a couple pieces of toast, a blueberry muffin, some bacon, and a few apples.

I exited through the main doors, careful not to let Filch see me. I ran lightly to the Forbidden Forest and into the first few trees. I whistled. "Cicatrix!" A few thestrals swooped down from the sky. I spotted the one with the scar and walked over, hand out. She nuzzled my hand and nosed my bag. I pulled out an apple and offered it to her. She snorted and shook her head. I wondered what else she could want. I offered the toast and muffin. Both were rejected. I pulled out the bacon, not really expecting, but Cicatrix whinnied and crunched it up.

I stroked her nose, smiling a little. "Weird thestrals."

"They prefer raw meat you know." I whirled at the unexpected voice behind me. There was Potter, holding a chunk of raw beef. The thestrals crowded around him and he fed several before offering Cicatrix part of the food. She ate it eagerly.

"Did you follow me Potter?" I demanded angrily.

"Yep," he said happily. "I wondered where you were going this early in the morning. Normally, you're not up until you absolutely have to be."

"Well now you know, so you can leave."

"Leave the most beautiful girl in the castle alone in the Forbidden Forest? I'm offended at your assumption of unchivalrous behavior!"

I need a wall to bang my head against. Or even better, to bang _Potter's_ head against. If I hear _one more_ bad pick up line, I swear I'm feeding Potter to the Giant Squid.

I sighed deeply. "Fine. But I'm going back to the castle." I swung up onto Cicatrix's back easily. "Can you drop me on top of Gryffindor tower Cicatrix? Girl's side please." Cicatrix whinnied and took off, spiraling through the trees with ease. She flew with astonishing speed and I spread my arms wide, whooping eagerly at the exhilaration. All too soon, Cicatrix landed lightly on the roof of Gryffindor tower and I hopped off. "Thanks girl." She nickered gently and flew off to the Forest again.

I walked around until I found the mark Marly had made for the four of us. Ever the adventurous one, Marly had found that if you swung your body a certain way from our top floor window you could get on the roof. She'd made a mark in black Sharpie so we could be sure we'd go back in the window near our beds and not by our dorm mates or in the boy's side. I grinned in anticipation of their reactions as I gripped the side of the tower and swung feet first inside the window.

I landed catlike with a soft thump. Alice, the lightest sleeper (and also the one I'd landed right next to) sat straight up with a shriek. I quickly stuffed my hand over her mouth, still grinning ridiculously.

"Shh Alice! It's only me, Lily!"

She pushed my hand away as Marly and Mary sat up sleepily. "Merlin Lils, don't DO that! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

I grinned sheepishly. "Sorry."

Mary yawned and stretched. "So, what brings you into our room, through the window, at 7 in the morning?"

"Oh Godric, is it that late already? I've got to be getting back or I'll be late! See you at breakfast!"

Alice glared at me as I skipped towards the door. "Lily Marie Evans, you can't come into our dorm through the window at 7 in the morning and just leave! Don't you dare-" I shut the door.

Suffice to say I made it back to the dorm without getting caught and quickly changed into my school uniform. I grabbed my books and skipped merrily to the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. My friends pestered me and eventually I relented and told them about the thestrals and Potter. Then Alice grumbled some more about being scared half to death and McGonagall handed out our schedules. I had Advanced Potions first, while all of my friends had Divination (an entirely useless and stupid class). I waved goodbye as we went our separate ways.

When I walked into Slughorn's classroom, I was surprised to see only a few students. There was an awkward Gryffindor boy I recognized as Eugene Fitz, two Ravenclaw girls I vaguely remembered were on the Quidditch team, a Ravenclaw boy I didn't recognize, and Amos Diggory, Hufflepuff heartthrob. The seat next to Amos was the only one open, so I slid into it as we all waited for Slughorn.

"I recognize you. You're Lily Evans, the girl James Potter has been trying to date since first year."

I could feel myself blushing. "And you're Amos Diggory, the boy every girl in Hufflepuff, and quite a few from Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin, has been swooning over since third year."

He grinned charmingly. "And are you one of those girls?"

I blushed harder. In fact I did have a minor crush on him, but there was no way I was going to tell him that. "How about if you figure that out for yourself?" I said softly. I was saved from the rest of a potentially embarrassing conversation by Slughorn bustling into the room. I turned to the front and pulled out a quill and parchment, taking avid notes on his brief lecture about the preparation of Felix Felicis.

When he instructed us to begin making it in pairs, promising a prize to the best potion, I jumped up eagerly and went to the supply closet. I rummaged around, finding all the ingredients quickly and carrying them back to where Amos was boiling the water. We brewed our potion quickly, working together well. I used a few instinctual corrections to the book's formula and taught them to Amos. In the end our potion was the best and we each got small vials of professionally brewed Liquid Luck.

As we exited the classroom, Amos brushed his hand lightly against mine and said, "Hey, there's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up. And I was wondering if, um, you might want to go with me?"

My grin probably lit up the entire school. "I would love to go to Hogsmeade with you!"

He grinned. "Brilliant! I'll pick you up at 10:00 on Saturday in the Entrance Hall?"

"That would be great. I'll see you tomorrow Amos." I walked away, my grin stretching so far it was starting hurt my face.

The week went quickly, a routine of classes, homework, and friends settling easily. Potter continued to be pratty, but the look on his face when I told him I was going to Hogsmeade with Amos was priceless.

When I gave Mary the password to the Head's Tower, I honestly don't know what I was thinking. I should have known the girls would make me dress up for my date.

At 8:00 on a Saturday, I was rudely awoken by Alice throwing my bedroom door open and screaming "KARMA!"

I was so startled that I yelped, jumped, and fell out of bed taking half my covers with me. I glared up at her smiling face from my nest of covers on the floor, rolled over and fell back asleep just to spite her. I should have known better. Next thing I knew, I was drenched and shivering and Mary was holding an empty bucket.

"I hate you all," I announced, then got up and walked into the bathroom, ignoring them completely. I took a long hot shower, steaming up the windows and the mirror. I finally got out and dried off, slipping into my royal blue bathrobe; I brushed my teeth and hair and steeled myself to walk back out. I opened the door to my room to find every article of clothing I owned strewn throughout the room and in the process of being judged my friends.

"Too casual. Too dressy. Too reserved. Hey, that's _mine!_ No, no, no, n- OOH!" Marlene held up a deep green, short sleeved blouse, a little low cut for my tastes (it was a gift, so I couldn't get rid of it) and examined it. "This could work!"

I snorted. "I don't suppose I have a choice?"

The three looked at each other, then chorused "Nope!"

I sighed and began charming shirts back into my closet Marly and Alice looked through my skirts and pants and Mary looked through my makeup and accessories. Finally Alice found my long black skirt with slits up to my thighs and decided it would work. This was thrown at me, along with my blouse, and I was instructed to change. I did so quickly, knowing that I wouldn't win, and then allowed myself to be made up by Mary. Gold eyeshadow was dusted over my lids, mascara coated my lashes, and bright red lipstick was rubbed onto my lips. I also got a light layer of concealer and blush. Alice, in the meantime had found my high heeled stilettos charmed so they could be any color you wanted. She made them the same emerald green as my blouse and I stepped into them.

When I was finally deemed "kick arse gorgeous" by Marly, I was allowed to eat something from my small kitchen and descend into the Entrance Hall. At 10 exactly I walked down the stairs to see Amos waiting for me with a single white and pink lily. I smiled shyly at him and he grinned back.

He offered me the lily when I reached him. "Here's a lily for my Lily. And may I say that you look gorgeous today, as always?"

I blushed and accepted the flower, even though I didn't much care for lilies (carnations were my favorite) because I thought it was sweet of him, though a bit cliché. He offered me his hand and I took it, feeling little butterflies in my stomach at his touch. I smiled wider. We set off for Hogsmeade.

We walked happily from Scrivenshaft's, where I got a new quill (from a variable goshawk, my favorite bird), Honeydukes, where Amos bought me several chocolate frogs (despite my protesting), and up to the Three Broomsticks where we bought butterbeer and settled into a secluded corner booth. Chatting about school, friends, and life we drifted closer and closer. I vaguely noticed the door open out of the corner of my eye, when Amos suddenly leaned forward and kissed me.

My eyes opened wide and I was extremely startled, but it was over as fast as it started. He leaned back and looked at me apprehensively. "That was ok, right? I don't want to offend you or anything."

I touched my lips dazedly with my fingertips. "No, it was fine. I was just surprised. I'm ok with it."

He grinned. "Excellent." He leaned over and kissed me again. I looked over his shoulder and saw James Potter glaring at us, then turning on his heel and slamming out the front of the pub. I felt a slight guilty pang, but ignored it and let myself be kissed by Amos. He pulled away slightly. "Be my girlfriend?"

I was startled. Amos Diggory, easily third most wanted guy at Hogwarts (after Potter and Black. Blech), was asking _me, _plain little bookworm Lily Evans to be his girlfriend. I grinned widely. "Of course." He kissed me again.

One hour later, I was squealing about it with my girlfriends in my dorm. Everyone was so happy for me. I _finally_ had a boyfriend, after years of saying no to all the guys that asked me that just didn't seem right. Amos seemed right to me.

After the girls left, I lay back on my bed with my hair rippling above me and smiled, just thinking about my day.

Someone cleared their throat and I propped myself up on my elbows to raise one eyebrow at Potter. "What do you want?"

"I came to give you my congratulations."

My eyebrow went higher. "You're just giving up?"

He grinned. "Oh hell no. I'm insanely jealous that he got you, lucky bastard, and he doesn't even know what a prize you are. I'm going to fight twice as hard for you Lily, because you're worth it."

I groaned and flopped back. "Of course it wouldn't be that easy."

He moved over and sat gently on the edge of my bed. "I also wanted to warn you. Have you ever looked at the other girls he's dated, then dumped? That's what he does for his sick twisted fun. He breaks girls' hearts."

I glared at him. "You don't know anything. He's a perfectly lovely person and you're just jealous."

He stood up and moved towards the door. "Just remember what I said and be careful. Don't get your heart broken. And if you ever need me, I'll be here for you. Always."

He walked out and I closed my eyes, my day thoroughly ruined.

**A/N:** **please review! They make me happy, and when I'm happy I update faster! Please! It entertains me! And yes, Sanam, I am begging again! Lol! It got me a reivew, so begging works! ...I'm good at it, part dog and all! *puppy dog eyes* **


	3. The Announcement and The Planning

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed the last chapter! Here is another! Please Review! **

CHAPTER 3: The Announcement and The Planning

Before I knew it, 3 months had passed in a blur and it was early December. That's when the announcement came.

I was sitting with Amos at the Hufflepuff table for dinner, laughing with his friends Penny Pope and Bryan Adams, when Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat. "I would like to announce that there will be a Christmas Masquerade Ball for all students 5th year and up on December 20th. There will be a late train for anyone who wishes to leave for the holidays on the 22nd. As they are to plan the whole thing, I would like to see James Potter and Lily Evans after the meal. Thank you."

As Dumbledore sat down, the Great Hall burst into a flurry of whispers. I looked at my empty plate, then leaned over and pecked Amos lightly on the cheek. "I have to go talk to Dumbledore Amos. See you later."

"Bye honey, I'll meet you outside."

I rose and walked over to where Dumbledore was chatting animatedly with McGonagall as students filed out talking about the ball. Potter appeared a minute later and the Headmaster looked down at us.

"Ah, good, good. Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans, if you will we have some details to discuss. First, know that you two will be planning this entire thing with very limited help. You may take suggestions and ask the professors questions, but we want to see how well you can plan these things. Second, there is no limit. If it can be done and you want it to happen, do it. And third, no sharing your secrets. Almost no one should know what you have in mind until they walk in those doors. We want everyone to get the full impact on planning. The only people you may tell, and ask for help, are Ms. McKinnon, Ms. Simmons, Ms. MacDonald, Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, and Mr. Pettigrew. They may give you ideas, but the main work must be yours. I'll let you get started." Dumbledore waved us out into the hallway and I left, already planning.

Amos came up and gave me a kiss on the mouth. "I missed you." I saw Potter over his shoulder, making throwing up motions.

"Sorry Amos, but you're going to have to miss me some more. Potter and I have to start planning the ball. We only have 20 days to get it up and running. I'll see you tomorrow."

He pouted a little. "Alright, but I already can't wait for the dawn of a new day." I giggled and he gave me a goodnight kiss and left. I spotted my friends nearby and yelled, "Mary, Alice, Marly! Emergency planning meeting, my dorm, NOW!"

I turned and saw Potter rounding up his friends. "Hello Remus, Peter. Black."

"Hello Lilykins, darling, we heard you needed our help." Black came over and slung one arm around my waist. I nearly growled at him. "There's nothing Marauders do better than plan a party. Let's get this show on the road!"

I shrugged out of his arm and replied, "Yes, let's. Up to our dorm everybody!"

We all trooped up the stairs and into the Head's dorm. I summoned a quill, ink and parchment from my room for writing down ideas.

As everybody made themselves comfortable on the floor, Black opened his mouth to start, but I cut him off. "Ground rules. No alcohol, no wild animals, no fireworks."

Black look affronted. "You're no fun Lilykins."

"Quit calling me that."

"Poppet?"

"No."

"Flower?"

"No."

"Beatrice?"

"What the-? NO!"

"Well then it's going to have to be Muffin. I will not take no for an answer."

"Why are we having this conversation?" Alice butted in. "We have planning to do!"

"Yes," said Marly, rubbing her hands together. "Theme? Anyone got any ideas?"

"Forest Christmas?" asked Lupin.

"Mmm, no I don't think so," Mary said.

"Medieval ball is a possibility," I said.

"Too old fashioned," said Marly.

"Nightclub!" put in Black.

"Definitely no," I said immediately.

We argued for another 10 minutes, each idea getting shot down. I looked at Potter who had been silent the whole time. "Any ideas Potter?"

"Winter Wonderland," he said simply.

We all got quiet. Then Mary said, "That's actually the best idea I've heard so far. All in favor?"

We all raised our hands, even me. What? It was a really good idea!

"So obviously the color scheme would be white, blue and maybe a little purple," said Lupin.

After discussing it for a while, we came up with a basic plan and then realized it was really late.

"We'll continue again later," said Potter, clapping his hands. "Now all of you go to bed. Even you Padfoot, don't go sneaking around the kitchens, you already had enough food tonight."

"But Proooongs!" Black whined.

"No."

"Augh. Fine."

Everyone filed out and it was just me and Potter. "I'm surprised you voted for my idea Lily. I thought you'd hate it out of principle."

I blushed. Was I really that bad? "It was a good idea. I give credit where credit is due Potter."

He grinned. "Even so, I was still surprised. Thanks."

I smiled back lightly. "Good night Potter."

"Lily?" I glanced back as I walked up the stairs. He was gazing after me longingly. "Sweet dreams," he whispered and I shivered as I turned and continued up the stairs.

I was so tired I forgot to put up the silencing spell like I normally did to keep Potter form hearing me call out during my nightmares. I woke up to him shaking my shoulder. I was sweat drenched from my most recent torture session.

"I wish you'd tell me what's giving you these nightmares," he said softly.

I shook my head, feeling my eyes start to tear up. I pushed them back, refusing to blink until my eyes dried out. "It hurts too much," I said in a broken whisper.

He looked at me carefully and hesitantly held out his arms.

"Not on your life."

He shrugged and dropped them. "Can't blame a bloke for trying."

I rolled my eyes. Yes I could. "I'm going to sleep now."

"I'll stay until you've fallen asleep again."

"I meant leave Potter."

He just smiled and pulled my covers up, tucking me in like I was 3 years old and sat back on the edge of my bed. I turned my back to him childishly, but he just rubbed soothing circles on it. Singing softly, he began crooning an old Muggle lullaby. I was too sleepy to ask how he knew it; my eyes slowly slid shut and I was asleep.

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	4. The Breaking and The Dress

**A/N: Hope you all loved the last one! Thank you for the reviews! Please keep them comin'**

CHAPTER 4: The Breaking and The Dress

When I woke it was 9 o' clock on Saturday morning. I sat up and stretched, then swung my legs over the edge of my mattress and slipped out of bed. I rubbed my eyes sleepily and walked into the bathroom to shower. I dressed in a white camisole and dark blue flannel pants with yellow and white criss-crossing lines. After brushing my teeth, I pulled out my wand and dried my hair.

After my morning routine, I went downstairs into our little kitchen, deciding I was too lazy to get dressed and go down to the Great Hall, but motivated enough to make breakfast myself. I was surprised to see Potter already there, scrambling eggs in a large pan. I was even more surprised to see the rest of the Marauders seated at our small kitchen table.

"Geez Potter, you could have given me some warning."

"Good morning to you too Lily. Yes, I made enough for you as well. It's a lovely day, isn't it?"

"You are _way_ too happy in the morning," I groaned, slumping between Remus and Black, laying my head on the table.

"Good morning my little Muffin!"

"Quit calling me that Black," I grumbled, not really expecting him to listen. He didn't.

"I told you I'm not taking no for an answer Muffin!"

I began banging my head on the table. Remus slipped his hand between my forehead and the maple tabletop. "Don't hurt yourself," he chuckled. "Otherwise James might just have to carry you to the Hospital Wing with a concussion." I stopped. But only because I didn't want Potter anywhere near me. I looked up when I heard a slight bang in front of my head and found a plate of eggs and toast in front of me. They were scrambled with grape jelly on eggs and apple jelly on the toast, just the way I liked them. It was scary how well Potter knew me.

After enduring a morning with the Marauders, I kicked them out so Potter and I could plan some more. We settled most of the final details by 3, so I got dressed in actual clothes and went to find my friends, who were outside.

I saw them before they saw me, so I scooped up a handful of the 8 inches of perfect snowball snow, patting it into a ball. I narrowed my eyes and chose a target. Pulling back and releasing, I sent a perfect white ball hurtling through the air. It hit Mary right between the eyes and exploded.

"THAT'S FOR THE ICE WATER MARY!" I screamed.

She spluttered for a minute, then turned towards me. Her eyes narrowed. "THIS. MEANS. WAR!"

"Shit," I whispered, frozen for a moment. Then I began sprinting in the opposite direction while Mary started forming a snowball of truly massive proportions. She lifted it with her wand as I ran as fast as possible away from her, screaming at the top of my lungs. Marly and Alice just stood there laughing. Fat lot of good it did me. Don't I have wonderful friends?

Mary won, seeing as she was cheating and using magic. A snowball the size of a basketball slammed into the back of my head, sending me tumbling and thoroughly covering me in snow. I pulled my face out of the snow, spluttering, and glared at her. "We're not friends right now. We're fighting."

Mary grinned, knowing I was joking. Mostly. By the time I got up, tackled her, then got up again, Marlene and Alice had joined in and we were having a snowball free for all. I spotted Amos walking past and ran over, face flushed and laughing. I grabbed his hand and said "Amos, come join our snowball fight."

He turned towards me with an odd look on his face and I noticed for the first time that there was a girl walking next to him.

"No thanks," said Amos in a strange tone of voice. "Have fun with your friends."

He turned to walk away and I called after him "Wait! Aren't you even going to introduce me to your friend?"

He faced me again. "This is Olivia. Olivia, that's Lily."

She giggled unpleasantly and said in a whiny voice, "Enchanted, I'm sure." Then they simply turned and walked away again, leaving me bewildered in the snow.

I turned and walked slowly back to the snowball fight, rejoining it, but my heart and my mind stayed on the prior exchange. _What had that meant?_

That was my only warning. Amos avoided me in between classes and ignored me in Potions until December 19th in the Great Hall, the last day before the Ball.

I went to sit with him at breakfast, finally having decided to try and make things right, but he didn't move over for me and the girl Olivia was sitting next to him with a nasty smile on her face.

"Um, hi Amos. Mind scootching over?" I asked hesitantly.

He turned to me with a cold expression. "Yes, actually. I do mind," he replied, before turning back to his breakfast as if I didn't exist.

I gaped a him, then snapped my mouth shut and glared. "What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?" I demanded furiously.

He turned around with a heavy sigh. "It means that I've grown tired of you, Lily _darling_." His voice was bitingly sarcastic. "I've decided to replace you with Olivia here. She at least can provide what a man wants."

I could feel the eyes of the Great Hall on us, but I didn't care. I laughed harshly. "So you're dumping me because I have dignity and refuse to have sex with you?" I challenged him.

He leered. "There you go. They always did say you were a smart girl. I knew you'd understand eventually." He turned his back to me again.

Unable to take it, I grabbed his shoulder and whipped him around, twisting his spine painfully, before punching him with all the force I had, breaking his perfectly straight nose with a sickening snap. "You will always, always regret making me an enemy, for the rest of your pitiful, sniveling existence," I hissed vehemently, yet with a power that managed to somehow reverberate around the still room. "I will never give up on vengeance and I hope one day you love someone and she leaves you, begging and groveling on the floor, and walks away from you and never, ever comes back. I wish all of this on you, you sick bastard." I pivoted on my heel and strode angrily towards the door, but whirled at the threshold. "And by the way, you were a terrible kisser," I called before stalking out into the corner and running to my dorm as soon as I was out of sight.

I barely noticed the dry sobs coming out of my throat as I ignored Ethel's concerned questions and ran up to my room, slamming the door and locking it. I flung myself down on the bed, chest heaving. I thought we'd had something and that that git had respected me at least a little when I refused to go farther than snogging. I wanted to cry, a little, but I refused myself that. I would not cry over that boy and what he'd done to me. He wasn't worth it.

A quiet knock sounded at my door. "Lily, can I come in?" Ugh. Potter.

Instead of responding, I walked over to the huge window in my room, slamming it open with a crash that broke half the panes. I didn't bother to fix it as Potter yelled "Lily, what was that?" in a panicked voice and trying to open the door, yelling when the spell I'd put on it stung his hand. I ignored him and leaned dangerously far out of the window, whistling high and sharp.

With a heavy flap of wings, I saw Cicatrix rise out of the trees in the Forest and swung first one leg, then the other over the window sill so I was perched precariously on the edge. The thestral rapidly got bigger as she neared, while Potter's voice got more frantic and his efforts to get in increased. Suddenly, before Cicatrix was getting close enough, Potter managed to break the extensive spells I'd put on the door to keep intruders out. I gave him an annoyed look.

"Lily, what are you doing?" he asked, looking at me like I'd gone insane.

I sighed heavily. "Go away Potter," I said and edged closer to the empty space as Cicatrix got close.

He saw what I was about to do. "Lily, don't-!" I jumped and screamed in exhilaration, but I'd barely flown through the air at all before Cicatrix caught me neatly on her back, a trick I'd been teaching her in the Forest, falling from tree branches. We soared off towards the Forest. I was SO cutting classes today.

I came back after dinner, but only because it would get too cold outside. I'd had a small stash of food in a hollow tree by where the thestrals slept, but there were no blankets or anywhere to sleep. So I had Cicatrix drop me back at the top of Gryffindor Tower, girl's side. I had a plan for revenge, but I needed the girls' help.

I swung from the roof, kicking the window open and landing catlike on the balls of my feet. Luckily, Mary, Marly, and Alice were all there and they were the only ones there. They immediately rushed me, offering pats on the back and violent plans against Diggory.

"Guys," I interrupted. "I have a plan. But we're going to need one badarse dress. I'm going to the Ball. And you're going to help me knock every guy there flat on their backs. Including the Arsehole."

Marly clapped her hands. "YES! I enjoy where this plan is headed. The dresses are supposed to be floor length, so that'll limit our choices, but I think we can make it work. Even on short notice. Let's go."

"Right now?" I asked with surprise.

"Why not? Dumbledore gave everyone permission to go to Hogsmeade whenever they wanted to get ready for the Ball."

I grinned slowly. "Excellent. How much do you guys trust me?"

Alice glanced at me warily. "Why?"

My grin got bigger. "Because we're leaving through the window." I walked over and gave the same shrill whistle as earlier, but this time I added three sharp bursts at the end. And when Cicatrix rose obediently out of the trees, three other thestrals joined her in intervals. They're extremely smart creatures and very easy to train.

The girls had almost the same reaction as Potter as I sat on the window sill, but I assured them it was perfectly fine. I jumped and landed on Cicatrix, asking her to wheel around so I could tell each girl when to jump. They had to give me complete trust because I was the only one who could see them.

"Ok, Mary. JUMP!" Mary screamed sharply as she fell, then changed to shock as she was caught by seemingly nothing. I helped each girl onto their thestral, then we wheeled away and flew towards the village.

We reached Hogsmeade in record time, giving us plenty of time to shop. Except the girls didn't seem in any particular hurry to get back on the thestrals. I grinned to myself. They'd get used to it. They had to with me. I may not seem it at first, but once you get to know me, I can be pretty reckless. It's part of my nature, I can just be studious at the same time.

The four of ran excitedly into the nearest shop, Madame Drevat's Dress Robe Emporium that had opened temporarily just for the occasion. We spent hours looking through the dresses, but struck out. They were not my size or they clashed with my hair or they were just unflattering. Undaunted, we headed on to the next store. But even Marly had to admit defeat when we'd checked the 5 clothes shops in the village. We slumped down on a park style bench as it gently started to snow. I buried my face in my hands and the girls patted my back.

"I _need_ a dress! My entire plan depends on it! And we've checked in all the shops and there's _nothing_!"

"Wait, that's it!" exclaimed Alice, jumping up. "We've checked all the _shops_. But there's one place we _haven't_ checked yet. Follow me!"

"Alice, what-"

"Just shut up and trust me Lily!" She grabbed my wrist and hauled me up after her, dragging me down a side street down into the heart of the residential part of Hogsmeade. I was too busy keeping my balance to ask questions and Mary and Marly just gave up asking questions after a few impatient _Later_s.

In just a few minutes, we emerged on a street titled Love Potion Lane and Alice clattered up the steps of a small grey cottage, knocking on the door. "Zahilda!" she called.

"What do you want?" replied an old, creaky, raspy voice as the door opened a crack. I saw a brilliantly blue eye peeking out.

"We need a dress, short notice, for my friend here."

"Go away, can't you see I'm busy?" Zahilda snapped, starting to shut the door.

Alice's hand flew out and stopped it. "Oh come on. Those shops in the shop couldn't find anything floor length, ready within a few days, for a _red head_."

I was about to respond with a sarcastic comment about the allusion to my hair when Zahilda responded. "A _red head_? A challenge fit for my skills perhaps?" She opened the door another inch, surveying me. Mary shoved me forward and I stumbled a bit before straightening up. "Oh yes, I can see why those bumbling shopkeepers could never find anything for _her_. Statuesque you are, skinny but with plenty up top." I blushed as she cackled at my embarrassment. "And your _hair_! Why not any old fool could just pick a dress off the rack to suit _you_ my dear. Well? What are you waiting for? Get in here!"

The door was flung open and I finally got a decent view of the woman who'd just agreed to get me a dress. As I hurried inside, I took in her startling appearance. Like I saw earlier, she had one startlingly blue eye, but the other was a deep forest green that I'd never seen before. She was an old crone, short to begin with but also hunched over, leaning on a cane as wizened and twisted as she was. Her dress was a plain, but wonderfully cut piece in brown and orange.

She moved surprisingly fast for one so twisted, as she limped past us to lead the way into a sitting room draped with a dazzling array of fabric, with a small, circular, raised platform in the center of the room and a mirror opposite it, with yet more fabric draped over its corners. As for the fabric itself, there was every color I'd ever imagined and some I'd never even dreamed. There was flannel and cotton and leather and silk and satin and velvet and linen and some I couldn't name. A box in the corner held as many shades of thread as I imagined could be produced and another box held beads of every shape, size, and color. A third contained lace and mesh netting.

Zahilda tottered rapidly around the room, gathering fabric and thread. She looked at me impatiently and waved me onto the platform with a brisk motion. "Well? Get on with it, we haven't got all night! Strip."

I looked at her with surprise, but obeyed, going down to my underwear and bra before standing on the platform. First Zahilda pulled out all the silks, satins, and velvets. She discarded the velvet with a noise of disgust and began holding colors up against my hair. Soon the room was thick with flying fabric. The other girls quickly ducked out into to the hall to watch from the relative safety of the doorway.

After narrowing the choices, she held three different fabrics up to me, but chucked them all over her shoulder in the end. But instead of looking irritated, Zahilda now looked extremely excited. "Oh I love a challenge," she muttered, mostly to herself. "Haven't had this much fun in years!"

Suddenly, she stopped, gazing at me thoughtfully. "I wonder…"

"Wonder what?" asked Mary.

"Shh!" Zahilda shushed her impatiently, hurrying past her and up the stairs. She returned with a bolt of strangely metallic looking deep blue cloth. "Polyester," she muttered. "But no one will ever know. I've been saving this for a special dress indeed and I believe it is _you_ who is to wear it. Now, specifications?"

"Only that it has to be floor length," piped up Alice. "Everything else is up to you."

"AS it should be," said the woman with a decisive nod. "Now, let's get started!" She pulled out a wand and began waving it, directing cloth here and scissors there. Two hours passed in a blur of cloth, thread, and decorations all covered with Zahilda's snippy comments.

By the time the dress was finished, I had had about enough of that woman stabbing me with pis, which I suspect she did just for the fun of it. But eventually she stopped and told me to turn and face the mirror. I did, and let out a gasp.

The fabric let out a delicate rustling with each movement and was floor length as we'd asked. It was strapless, with a straight neckline that clung perfectly, ensuring that I would have to be dragging it up all night. The dress was tight to my waist, where it suddenly flared out into a tiered princess skirt. The top of the bodice was beaded intricately with flowers and vines in silver beads. I turned, and saw a short train out behind me.

"Oh my Godric," I breathed. "Zahilda, you're a miracle worker! How much do I owe you?"

"Free," she responded, smiling for the first time since I'd seen her. "I always give them away to those who admire my work as much as you do."

I gaped at her. "But how can you give away a- a work of _art_ like this dress for free?" I asked incredulously, brushing my hand over the skirt.

She regarded me thoughtfully. "I could be one of the greatest tailors in the world, to the Minister, to a queen! And yet I choose to stay in my house and sew for those who need it. Why? Because it's more rewarding than a thousand Galleons. Because ones as high up as those I might create for would only see another servant in a long line of servants. Because they would see clothes, not a masterpiece. Because _they_ do not need a dress for a ball on short notice for a red head with an interesting figure. They need a suit, a robe for a boring meeting, a new dress for a conference they don't want to attend. I make these clothes for those who need to do something they love. And they're made by someone who loves what she's doing. _That_ is why I am giving you your dress for free."

I stood there, stunned. I had definitely not expected that. I smiled as I changed back into my robes and helped the old woman wrap my brand new dress in white linen to protect it from the rain. And as she turned her back, I managed to hide a few Galleons in her pile of fabric. She'd find it eventually.

I grinned as we ran back into the falling snow. I had a stunning, beautiful, amazing dress for the Ball! "Guys, I still need accessories, including a mask!"

We altered our course, heading back to the first shop, opened specifically for the Ball. We quickly found a silver mask. There was intricate detailing standing out from the top of the mask, extending to my left into two high flourishes of stiff fabric flowers that curved back to point almost horizontally.

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We added silver, strappy heels and a small silver purse and paid quickly, before running back to the thestrals. I helped each girl onto their thestral before mounting Cicatrix and instructing them to take us back to Gryffindor Tower. We dismounted and swung into the girl's dorm window, me handing my purchases in before swinging my own body in.

"Thanks girls, especially you Alice. If you hadn't taken us to Zahilda, I don't know what I would have done for a dress."

They all responded that it was no trouble at all and I gave each of them a hug. Then I gathered up my things and ran lightly through the hallways to my dorm, stowing my dress, shoes, purse, and mask in the back corner and collapsing on my bed. I fell asleep smiling, and for once wasn't haunted by my mother's tragic death.

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	5. The Ball and The Letter

**A/N: This is the last chapter we have pre-writen! I'm so happy with all the reviews! Thank you! And Prongs is so moved! Thank you everyone! I hope you are enjoying the story!**

CHAPTER 5: The Ball and The Letter

I woke up on the morning of the Ball extremely excited about my plan. I got up at 8:30, no longer able to lay still and went down to eat. I was barely through with my morning orange juice before Mary, Marly, and Alice arrived with all of their clothes, sweeping me upstairs to dump their stuff before we swept down to the Great Hall. We moved the house tables out to the Entrance Hall so the other students could eat out there while we decorated. The Marauders arrived and we firmly barred the doors, blocking out all the curiously staring eyes.

"Hello Muffin!" crowed Sirius. I simply gave him a look. He was undeterred. "Oh come on! This is going to be fun, lighten up a little!" He swept me into his arms before I could protest, leading me around the empty room in a whirling dance that had even me laughing. Soon however, I stepped away.

"Come on, we've got to actually get stuff done too," I said, slightly regretfully. Potter brought out a Wizarding boom box from somewhere and set it to the WWN, where a song from the new band, The Wailing Banshees, was playing. Soon we were all singing along and dancing to the beat as we summoned the smaller blue and white tables we'd made earlier. They came zooming through the high windows and we arranged them around the edges of the Hall. The students would eat dinner at 5:30 in the Entrance Hall, go get ready, and be back for the start of the ball at 7:30. We conjured large, everlasting icicles to hang from the ceiling, from which was falling warm, dry snow that disappeared before it hit the ground. Silver tinsel was draped by Mary over everything that didn't move.

Around lunch time, we took a short break to eat and let Hagrid in with the traditional twelve Christmas trees, which we circled the hall with and dusted with snow, making each look like a tree in the forest. We found several hundred fairies and persuaded them to sit among the branches. We found white table cloths with blue hemming and draped them over the ice looking tables. Each got a center piece of pure white roses, covered in frost that wouldn't melt. White cloth was draped over the walls. We turned the floor varying shades of blue, making it look like it was made of ice. We extended the coloring up the entire hall and suddenly, we were in an ice palace.

"It's beautiful," breathed Mary, turning excited circles. "I feel like I'm in a fairytale! It's amazing. Everyone will love it."

I beamed, looking around. My smile slowly faded. "There's something missing…" I muttered, gazing around. "It doesn't feel right yet…"

Potter smiled, walking past me and pointed his wand at the very center of the Hall. "Funale," he said. Instantly, a giant chandelier appeared over the center of the hall, sparkling and hanging with crystals. It was breath taking. Potter then pointed his wand the each corner of the hall. "Angelus fontem." A white marble fountain popped up where he pointed. Each was an angel with a trumpet raised high, out of which the water poured.

"Perfect," declared Marly. "Now everything's amazing."

Glancing at her watch, Alice announced that it was 5:00. "We'd better get moving."

We hurriedly placed drinks and snacks on some long tables where the teachers usually sat and rushed out of the Hall. We were swarmed with students asking what it looked like, but we just smiled mysteriously and continued moving. I did, however, distinctly hear Sirius say something about trained lions and the English National Quidditch Team from last year's World Cup, but I ignored it, preferring not to get mixed up in that.

The eight of us had dinner in the Head's kitchen, happily joking and laughing over turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, beans, rolls, and all the other food sent up by the house elves. Potter only asked me to the Ball 5 times during dinner, in addition to the 17 during decorating. I admire his restraint. (I said no every time.)

At 6:00, Marly announced that it was time to get ready. "I don't know how we'll get it all done!" she announced, dragging us upstairs. "We've only got an hour and a half!"

When we got to my room, we all took showers in rapid succession, hastily washing and drying before brushing our teeth and drying our hair. Alice, who was undoubtedly the best at hair, attacked our heads with brushes, curling or straightening irons, and hairspray. Mary took over with makeup, adding only a bit of concealer, blush, and mascara. She also did my lips in a bright red and dusted my lids with silver eye shadow.

We hurried into our dresses, shoes, and masks, then stood back to admire each other.

Marly was in a deep purple mermaid gown, tight till her knees, then flaring out in dramatic ruffles. It had a sweetheart neckline and one strap on her left shoulder. She was wearing worked leather ballet flats of the same color, not wanting to tower over the rest of us. Her chocolate brown hair was piled atop her head, with a curl hanging loose on either side of her face, framing it. Her jewelry was silver and amethyst- a teardrop necklace, teardrop earrings, and a bracelet of alternating amethyst ovals and flat silver disks. Her mask was a simple design, just the basic oval covering eyes and part of the nose and cheeks. It was dark purple with intricate designs in black velvet that reminded me of a wrought iron gate.

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Mary was wearing a daring gown in bright turquoise. It was spaghetti strap, with an empire waist below the straight neckline and a flowing, pleated silk skirt and a silver jeweled belt. Her necklace was silver and diamonds, as were her earrings. On her feet were silver wedges with a three inch heel guaranteed to come off in about 2.7 seconds upon entering the Great Hall. She was busy adjusting her mask, a pretty white and turquoise one that had curved edges following the contours of her cheeks, nose, and eyebrows. The background was white with a silver border, turquoise detailing around the eyes, and white embroidery everywhere else. Her hair, a very light blonde, was curled and left to hang free, giving her a look that reminded me distinctly of Juliet from Romeo and Juliet as I imagined her in my head.

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Alice's black bob cut stood out starkly against her bright, look-at-me red dress. It was strapless, with a flat neckline, which had a line of fabric folded over at the top, and was in the princess ball gown style, similar to mine. The bodice and skirt were both smooth silk, unlike mine, with a hint of black lace peeking out the bottom. Her heels were strapped goddess sandals (or at least that's what they reminded me of, except with a three inch heel) and her necklace was a gold chain with seven rubies on it- a large one in the middle and three of equal size on either side. A matching bracelet was on her wrist. Her mask immediately reminded me of Spain- it was red, with a gold border and a large, fan-like ruffle on her right hand side, about hand sized, with gold and red ribbons hanging from it. Its edges were wavy.

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I adjusted my own mask nervously and patted my straightened hair. "Well. Well, I suppose we should go," I said nervously.

Mary grinned at me. "Don't worry Lily. You'll knock 'em dead." She and Marly each grabbed one of my elbows and steered me out as Alice followed, smiling.

I glanced at my watch as we walked along the deserted corridors and yelped. "Guys, it's already 7:50! We're missing it!"

I moved as if to start hurrying, but Marly held me back with a laugh. "We're fashionably late, Lily darling. It'll make for a grander and more noticeable entrance because everyone rushed in as soon as they could. Even James left to get there on time. I heard him leave."

It was stupid of course, but I had forgotten that Potter and his friends would be there. It made me blush for him to see me in such clothes, but I straightened my back, determined to go on with my plan despite this setback. It was minor. Psh, it didn't bother me! Nope, I was completely fine! LOL, ISN'T THIS GREAT?

"Somebody shoot me," I said morosely.

Marly looked at me weird. "Why?"

"I just used 'LOL' in my head."

"NOOOO!" wailed Mary. "She's gone over to the Dark Side!" She grabbed my shoulders and began shaking me as I laughed at her antics. "Lily? LILY? CAN YOU HEAR ME? COME BACK TO ME LILY, FOLLOW MY VOICE!"

I laughed even harder and had to stop to take a breather.

"Don't make her go into hysterics Mary," said Alice reprovingly. "We've still got to get her to the ball."

"No, no I'm fine," I said, waving them off. A big grin was stretched across my face. "This is just what I needed." All the uncertainty was gone, replaced by a blooming confidence that filled me down to my toes. I could definitely do this. My strides got longer and bolder the closer we got to the Great Hall and my friends dropped back to let me take point. Marly strutted to my right while Mary bounced and Alice glided on my left. Yes, I seriously just categorized the way my friends walk. Deal with it.

A few stragglers were rushing into the party, but they were all inside by the time we reached the Entrance Hall. I took a deep breath and opened the doors, which had already been shut.

A wall of noise, light, and color hit me like a physical barrier. I almost stumbled. All the girls were in brightly colored, gowns, though most had already cheated and shortened them to above the knee by now. Even the boys were in brightly colored dress robes and I sensed their relief at the deviation from the ever-present black. The masks were ornate and plain, patterned and not, colorful, black, white, feathered, beaded, sequined, embroidered, beribboned, and jeweled. They came in every imaginable size, color, and shape able to fit on the human face.

The music pounded through the floor and the walls and the air and through my very own body. It was its own entity, entering the body and whipping the emotions into an excited frenzy, and had me already itching to get out on the floor and dance. I fidgeted, looking at the large patch of floor covered by writhing, jumping, grinding, sliding, _dancing_ people and I longed to join them. I caught myself and marveled at the power of the music. Then I shrugged and allowed it to grip me. It would help my plan anyway. All I wanted to do was make Amos want me, then leave him in the dust. Just like he left me.

Sirius had probably snuck back in here after I left and added the pulsing, flashing, blinding lights common to all sorts of clubs. The effect was sporadic and hypnotic, and served only to heighten my excitement at this chance to do whatever the hell I wanted. It was completely intoxicating and I felt my grin stretch even farther across my face.

As we paused on the threshold of chaos, a rush of whispering spread from those nearest to us to those up at the very front of the hall and there was a rustle of cloth as everyone turned to face use. I blushed, but no one could see it behind the mask. Somebody cut off the music as my fellow students stared.

We descended the stairs that had been Marly's idea (the entire Great Hall had been sunk so there could be a staircase for our dramatic entrance which was obviously far better planned than I'd thought) and stopped at the bottom. A flurry of whispers erupted as we stood there, then I called out, with words I didn't know I had, "Well? Isn't this a party? Come on, let's have some music!"

Whoever was DJ at the moment cranked the music and the girls and I started dancing along. Everyone else resumed dancing, though there were frequent glances in our direction. I channeled the beat through my body and just let myself go for the first time in what felt like forever. It felt good.

The beat pounded through the soles of my feet (I had already ditched my shoes, as had Mary, Marly, and Alice) up my legs and hips straight into my chest, resonating there and pulling my heart right along with its frenzied thumping. I gasped when a boy came up behind me and started dancing with me, but quickly gave myself over to the sensation, letting go completely of any inhibitions. Boy after boy came to dance with the crazy redhead in the amazing dress who had no restraint at all. She seemed like a completely different person, yet she had lived in me all these years, waiting for a chance to come out and show me how much fun she could have.

Eventually, I wandered over to the drink table, trying to look for my friends who I'd lost to the crowd. No luck. I shrugged and pulled my shoes back on, grabbing some punch.

"I wouldn't do that Lily." I whirled to face a black haired boy in gold dress robes with an almost rectangular mask patterned in diamonds of various shades of red and gold. I didn't recognize him.

"Wh-What?" I spluttered. "Why not?" I didn't even bother to wonder how he knew it was me.

He chuckled gently. "I saw Sirius spiking it a while back. It's got Firewhiskey in it now and I don't really think you should drink it."

I glared at him. So he thought I couldn't handle it is what he was saying. I stared right into his eyes and drank the punch in one gulp. It burned a little on the way, but I resisted the urge to cough, slamming the cup down and pouring more punch in it, drinking that as well in three large swallows. "Thank you for your concern," I said coldly. "But I think I can handle it."

To my surprise, he just laughed again. "I stand corrected," he said, his eyes sparkling. They were a startling shade of gold with flecks of green in them. I'd seen those eyes before… I opened my mouth to ask him what his name was, but he bowed, holding out his hand and asked, "May I have this dance?" as a slower, orchestra song came on. A typical, old fashioned ballroom dancing song. I took the boy's hand and he led me to the dance floor.

I remembered watching several movies with ballroom scenes (Phantom of the Opera being the most recent) so, grinning, I curtsied as he bowed, then grabbed my skirt with my left hand. His right hand went around my waist and our free hands met.

The others all looked confused at the slow music but this boy knew what he was doing. He led me, spinning, around the ballroom, executing every move perfectly. We spun, dipped, bent, and flew across the room in time to the music. He lifted me several times, but I never felt unsafe in his hands. I knew he wouldn't drop me.

The song ended as he spun me out and then back in, locking me in his arms. We stood there for a few seconds, panting, with our faces inches apart, staring at each other. I blinked and the spell broke. He released me as a new song came on, another fast paced club song. He started to bow and back away, leaving me open, but I grabbed his hand.

"You're not getting away that easily." I pulled him back towards me and spun, placing my back against his front and dancing for all I was worth.

I didn't hold anything back.

Neither did he.

We moved together, fitting together like a perfect puzzle piece and I finally found the one boy here that made me forget that my ultimate goal was to humiliate Diggory. Diggory didn't exist anymore. I existed. The boy behind me, who had his hands on my thighs, who smelled spicy and musky, who felt _safe_ to me existed.

We existed together and for a while, that was enough.

Then I caught sight of Diggory through the fray; he was alone, he was in a corner near the door, and he was looking at me hard, trying to place me, trying to recognize me. That broke me out of the haze that I'd been in with this boy.

I turned back to face him, our noses almost touching. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "There's something I have to do."

The look in his eyes screamed '_Don't go!'_ but his lips quirked up in a smile. "I understand. I'll wait, however long it takes. I'll wait for you Lily, because you're worth it."

I was touched and smiled back at him, albeit a little sadly. "Thank you," I breathed. I wonder if he even heard me over the music. Then I pulled away from his arms and marched towards Diggory, but halfway there, I was intercepted by a tawny owl bearing a letter with my name on it.

Impatient, I took the letter and ripped it open.

_Dear Ms. Evans,_

_The Ministry regrets to inform you that at 12:37 this evening, your house was attacked by Death Eaters. Your sister was away and was not harmed, but your father was home and was hit with Avada Kedavra. He is dead. The Death Eaters were not apprehended, and the Aurors are currently searching for the killers. We express deepest regret for you loss and offer all our condolences._

_Sincerely,_

_Bartemus Crouch Sr._

_Head Auror_

I gasped at the letter, not understanding. This could not be true. Of course it wasn't true. The letter was a sick joke, the gaping hole opening in my chest was simply my imagination, the shaking in my hands unneeded. My father was not dead. It was not possible, not right after Mum…

Even as my brain tried to persuade me, I was conscious of my feet rooted to the floor in the middle of the pulsing, spinning dancers, of my heart tearing itself brutally into pieces, of a strange wailing cry echoing over the music…

The cry was coming from me, it was tearing itself from my throat, trying to express the grief that filled me, tore at my insides, made my legs as heavy as lead…

None of my thoughts could finish themselves except for one- run. Leave. _Escape._

I stopped wailing, an abrupt ceasing of sound that no one had noticed anyway and mechanically kicked my shoes off, not bothering to pick them up. I waved my wand, making my dress shoot up to four inches above my knee, leaving my legs free. Slowly, I walked towards the doors, brushing past Diggory without a second glance in his direction. What use was petty vengeance now? It would not ease the fire raging inside me, it would not bring my parents back. It was nothing. It did not matter, it never should have mattered.

Slowly, then with increasing speed I moved towards the doors. I exited at a steady jog and quickly accelerated to a straight sprint in the corridor. Not caring about the cold, I burst outside. I welcomed the burn of the cold snow one my feet, the sting of the frigid wind whipping past my face, my arms, my legs. It was a pain on the outside to match the pain inside and it distracted me.

My father was not dead.

My family was not torn apart.

I was not alone.

My arms pumped harder, my legs beat faster, my feet touched the frozen ground less and less and I almost believed that I would take off from the ground and fly to somewhere where I wouldn't feel my heart slowly crumbling into nothingness. Almost.

But not really.

The boy from inside found me sitting in a tree with thestrals all around the base, gazing with blank eyes toward the lake.

"Lily? What's wrong?"

Smart boy. He did not ask me if I was fine. Anyone with eyes could tell I was not fine. I was as far from _fine_ as it was possible to be. Yet I still answered "Nothing."

He snorted. "Bullshit. Please tell me what's wrong."

"No."

A boy in silver robes came up behind him. "Hey. What's up?" He glanced up and saw me in the tree. "Why are you in a tree?"

"Because," I answered, drawing my knees up to my chest and locking them there with my arms.

The two boys whispered below me, but I didn't bother trying to listen.

Eventually the silver robed boy looked back up at me. "I'm sorry for whatever's hurting you." He paused, then added, in a whisper, "Muffin," and walked away. Only one person called me Muffin and if that was Sirius, the boy in gold robes was-

"Potter?" I asked in what was supposed to be an incredulous voice, but it came out sounding flat and uninterested. I couldn't muster the shock that the boy I'd felt such a connection with was James Potter. If I let myself feel that, I wouldn't be able to deny my other feelings and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from completely breaking down. I had to be even stronger because there was no one else to be strong for me anymore.

Meanwhile, the boy below me had removed his mask and the familiar face of James Potter stared up at me. "Come down Lily," he called gently.

I put my hands on the limb I was sitting on and swung down, landing on my feet, already running. I was no going to sit there with James Potter and permit him to ask me about my feelings.

I heard his yell of surprise behind me, then the pounding of his feet following mine. I ran faster, flying over the frozen ground with numb feet.

I pelted through the doors to the castle and started taking random turnings, going up and down stairs, around corners, and through countless corridors. Eventually, I hit a dead end. I just stood there and stared at it incomprehensibly as Potter caught up with me. There was nowhere to go.

As Potter came up behind me, I hit the wall. My hand erupted in pain, but I drew back and punched it again as Potter yelled at me to stop.

As I was pulling back for another, Potter caught my fist and held it, spinning me around. He grabbed my left hand as I made to punch him and hugged me close, not in a romantic way, but to clamp my arms to my sides and to try to stop my wild thrashing.

"Let me go Potter, let me go!" I yelled, allowing his arms to support my full weight and kicking him in the shins.

His eyes watered slightly with pain, but he didn't let go. "What, so you can hurt yourself more? I don't think so."

I fought, sobbing with no tears. "Potter! Let go! Let- let g-go! Let me-!" I couldn't finish, instead collapsing against him and sobbing harder.

Potter hesitated, then shifted me so he was hugging, rather than restraining me. I didn't fight, but let myself be embraced in the warm protection of his arms. I remembered how dancing with him had felt before I'd known who he was, how it felt utterly _safe_. I forced myself to relax into his arms and feel that again, as though this wasn't the one boy I'd hated for 6 and a half years. I needed the safe right now.

Potter let out a sigh of relief when I didn't start hexing him into oblivion and ran one hand over my hair, making soothing noises and tightening his other arm around my shoulders. "Shhh Lily, it's ok. I've got you now. You'll be alright." He glanced at his watch, and shifted slightly. "We should go back to the dorms Lily. It's almost two in the morning. Perfectly alright for me, but you've got to be tired. Let's go, I've still got you."

He released me from his embrace, but my knees gave out beneath me and he had to catch my arm to prevent me from slumping to the floor. I could tell that I was going into shock and that I probably wasn't going to make it to our dorm. Potter looked at me for a second, then shrugged and picked me up bridal style. I squawked a feeble protest. "Potter! You don't have to- I can- _Put me down!_" This was much less impressive and commanding than I'd hoped since I was shaking and choked out the words between sobs.

He chuckled. "First Lily, would it really be that difficult to call me James? I've called you Lily for a while now, and _that_ didn't seem to have affected you. And second, there is no way in hell I'm putting you down because I'm afraid you won't get up again. You are drunk and obviously distressed. You certainly can't make it up three flights of stairs alone. So I'm going to carry you and this is the most comfortable position for you. Now hold still, I don't want to drop you. And it wouldn't kill you to relax a bit either."

I grumbled, but threw one arm around his neck to keep myself up and laid my head against his chest to get comfortable. I would have expected every second in James Potter's arms to last an eternity, but it was a surprisingly short time later that Po- James was giving the password (Glumbumble) to Ethel and he was depositing me on my soft, warm bed. He started to back away, but I held one arm out to him beseechingly.

"Stay."

I'm not sure which of us was more surprised at the word that slipped from my lips, but I didn't take it back. I needed someone to keep me safe, from Death Eaters, from the nightmares, from reality. I needed him to be there.

Pot- James walked slowly back over to my bed as I shifted to one side to give him room. He climbed in beside me and pulled the blankets over both of us. I shivered, realizing for the first time how cold I was.

James pulled me closer, wrapping me in his arms and transferring me his heat. It was that bit of gentleness that did it for me. For the first time in months, I felt tears leaking out of my eyes and I finally let myself cry.

I cried for Mum. I cried for Dad. I cried for Tuney, and for me, and for a life I had but could never get back. Because I knew that Tuney wouldn't welcome me back into the house. She would shove my things into my arms (if I was lucky and she didn't burn them) and with a last call of 'Freak' she'd shut me out of her life for good. But mostly, I cried because I was scared. I was scared of what I'd do now, I was scared that the Death Eaters would come after me or Tuney, and I was scared that I would never be able to lose the ghosts that haunted me.

Through it all, James held me close and let me soak his dress robes with my tears.

When I finished, I looked up at him and he looked down at me and I decided to tell him the truth.

"Both my parents are dead," I whispered. I heard his quick intake of breath and saw the sadness spread in his eyes. Sadness, but no pity. He knew that I didn't want it. He pulled me closer, hesitantly, and I didn't resist. "My mum died in summer. She got hit by a drunk driver. I hid it because I didn't want anyone to pity me. I didn't want to be _weak_. I was going to be _strong,_ God dammit, because I couldn't be vulnerable. Not in front of you, not in front of my friends, not in front of complete strangers. I wasn't going to be That-Evans-Girl-With-The-Dead-Mum.

"My father was killed tonight by Death Eaters. They're still at large. And his death is _my fault_ because if he wasn't connected to a _Mudblood _daughter, he'd be fine! It's my fault, I know it!"

"Lily-" he started.

"My sister hates me," I plowed on, cutting him off. No matter what he said, I would still believe it was my fault. "I know she won't let me back in the house this summer, and I can't live with my friends. Mary's house is way too crowded; she has a ton of younger siblings. Marly lives in a very small house with her parents, who don't make too much. Certainly not enough to support me as well. As for Alice, her parents would be scared of hosting a Muggle-born. They're not Death Eaters, or open Voldemort supporters and they don't encourage the killings, but they definitely wouldn't want me living with them. I have no money, no home, and nowhere to go."

"You can live with me and Sirius over the summer," James said stubbornly. "I'm not leaving you to live on the streets. We can protect you _and_ ourselves from Death Eaters," he added, seeing where my argument was going to come from. "We're getting our own flat in London because Sirius feels slightly bad for living at my house all summer and living off my parents. He wanted to move out but can't afford a house of his own because his mum cut him off from the family bank account. So we're splitting a flat. We'll even let you pay room and board if it makes you feel better."

I hesitated. It was an offer that I _could_ consider. But this was James Potter, ladies' man and Hogwarts Playboy and his attention scared me. "I don't- I'll think about it I guess. I can't think right now."

He looked into my eyes. "I'll wait," he whispered, just as he had at the ball.

I fell asleep in his arms.

**A/N: Please review! Please! We love them! We feel so good and special! And thank you for all your support!**


	6. The Train and The Furious Packing

_A/N Hey y'all, it's Prongs! So, I know what you're thinking- what? She's doing her OWN author's note for once? I know, I know, I always leave that to Pads over here. But I figured I might as well actually write one for once. So here you are. Now go down and read._

When I woke up, James was still asleep with his arms around me. I managed to pry them off and blushed with embarrassment at all I'd told him and how I'd cried in front of him. I blamed the Firewhiskey. Stupid Black, spiking the stupid punch. I did my best not to think about it and held in more tears as I quickly got ready for the train. I would retrieve my things, then Apparate back to Hogwarts after the funeral. I'd live on my own now.

I waved my wand and my clothes flew into my trunk neatly and it floated after me. I took a moment to look back at James, still asleep in my bed. For a second, he looked beautiful in my eyes as a tiny ray of sunshine fell on his face, illuminating him. Then he stirred, and I scampered out of the room, banishing that thought. This was James Potter after all; I'd hated him for 6 and half years and I wasn't about to stop now. _Something_ ought to be constant in my life.

_But you didn't hate him last night,_ whispered a tiny, traitorous part of my brain. _He was nice and kind and sweet and you poured out your troubles to him. He held you and comforted you. He made you _safe.

I shrugged off these uncomfortable thoughts and hurried downstairs, leaving my trunk in the Entrance Hall with the others to be carted to the train while I had breakfast.

I was in the middle of my toast and chatting to Mary, Marly, and Alice when he walked in, ruffling his hair sleepily. I froze as James' eyes raked the table, stopping on me. The expression in their depths was unfathomable, but made me feel vaguely ashamed of myself. Then the moment passed as his eyes continued on and found his friends. He ambled over to them and slid into the bench next to Sirius.

"Lily? LILLIAN ROSE EVANS!"

I looked reproachfully at Alice. "My full name isn't Lillian and my middle name is Katherine, not Rose."

"Oh, is it? I never did know that!" exclaimed Marly.

"ANYWAY," interrupted Alice. "You zoned out. It's almost time to go. Come on."

We trooped out of the Hall, pulling on our cloaks, and chatting about the party.

"So, did you get your revenge?" asked Marly.

"What? Oh, that." No, I was distracted about the news that my father was dead. "Nah, I decided that I was too nice for that."

Marly looked at me reproachfully. "Come on, Diggory needed to be shown who's boss!"

"Leave her alone Marly." The quiet order came from Mary. We looked at her in surprise. "What? Nobody really deserves that, even if they did it first. It's not worth it and it ends up eating you from the inside." She shrugged. I'm pretty sure I would have stood there all day, flabbergasted at such wisdom from Mary, but just then Filch started calling everyone to the train and we were swept on by a crush of people.

The train ride passed in a blur. At first, I tried to lose myself in the everyday concerns and triumphs of my friends, but I couldn't concentrate on them. Marly told me that a boy had kissed her, but I promptly forgot who. I couldn't call the color of Frank Longbottom's dress robes to mind, though Alice must have described them a million of times. He'd danced with her all night. The number of glasses of punch Mary had drunk on a dare flew out of my head. All I could think about was the reception awaiting me when I reached home.

Eventually, I excused myself, muttering an excuse about Head Girl duties. They didn't seem to notice anything off in my voice, which I made sound regretful and sorry to leave. In truth, I couldn't wait to get out and away from everyone, even my best friends. They waved cheerfully and continued a discussion of Ashley Millwen's dress. I felt a slight guilt surge within me at the fact that I could now lie so easily and that they would believe me. I was changing into a person I wasn't sure I wanted to be.

I gently slid the compartment door shut and took off towards the back of the train. I spent the rest of the time on the little platform outside the very last car, sitting with my legs dangling off the end over the tracks and my right arm wound around the railing. My breath puffed out, leaving a smoky trail towards Hogwarts, my safe haven. Only once did anyone find me.

"He's upset you're not talking to him you know." I turned to see Remus standing behind me.

"Who?" My voice was a bit croaky from disuse. I cleared my throat.

He walked over and sat next to me, holding the left rail and gazing back the way we'd come. "James. He'd never tell us of course, but I've known him for nearly 7 years now. He's in a pensive mood. I don't know what happened after you two left, but he seemed to think he was getting somewhere and he lost whatever you two had."

I stared at the trees flashing by with hard eyes, though I felt my stomach twist with guilt. "What we had was the result of me being drunk and upset. It was nothing more. How could it be?" I turned to stare into his eyes. "I'm so confused Remus."

He looked at me steadily for a minute, then faced the tracks again. I watched his profile. "I'm sorry about your father."

I gasped, my breath hitching. I felt tears pour out and freeze on my cheeks. "So am I," I whispered. "So am I. They're both gone now. So gone."

He glanced at me with a calculating look in his eyes. "So is that why you were off this year? You came to school sad." I nodded, wiping at my streaming eyes with my sleeve. "I'm sorry about your mother too then." He paused. Then, "Do you want me to come to your father's funeral? So you can have someone there?"

I considered it. How comforting it would be, to have someone's shoulder to cry on. "Please," I whispered. He held out his arm and I scooted over into his embrace. I could feel that it was completely platonic: the kind of hug an older brother gives. I laid my head on his shoulder as we gazed at the receding countryside.

After about 10 minutes, I let him go and he stood up. As he opened the door to the train, he turned back and looked at me with soft eyes. "You should tell them you know. They would be there for you." He disappeared into the train and the door slid shut.

I stared after the trailing smoke from the smoke stack on the engine and tried to build up my barriers again.

With 10 minutes to spare, I returned to my friends' compartment, falsely complaining about the length of meetings with a smile. They welcomed me back, detailing what they were doing for break as I quickly changed into Muggle clothes. I didn't hear their plans.

We hugged goodbye at the station and I walked out through the barrier with my trunk, wondering if Tuney had bothered to send anyone for me. When I walked out, Mrs. Jenkins, our kind old neighbor, was waiting with a hug and condolences. I buried my head in her shoulder and cried, letting myself be 5 years old again, with a knee scraped on the sidewalk outside her door. She would always let me into her house to give me a band-aid and a cookie. She was like my grandmother.

We drove home, talking of innocent things. (I lied about my classes of course. Mrs. Jenkins, like everyone else, thought I went to a boarding school.) When we reached her house, I got out and retrieved my trunk from the backseat.

"Thank you Mrs. Jenkins," I said.

""You're very welcome honey. And if you ever need anything, you just come right on over, okay?" She looked at me with kind hearted concern.

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Of course I will." I waved goodbye, dragging my trunk next door across the lawn.

Opening the door cautiously, I peered inside. The coast seemed clear, so I went in, turning to close the door behind me.

"So." I flinched at the razor blade sharpness of that voice, the jagged piece of ice that replaced the kind, caring words of my older sister. I turned to face her, cringing as though expecting blows. "You came back." Her voice was steadily growing louder, a sure danger sign. "You have some nerve to come back around here when it's your fault he's dead! It's all your fault, I'll never forgive you! Ever!" Her voice rose to a shriek and she even drew back and hit me on the 'ever'. "You don't live here anymore!" I ran past her, crying, and up to my room, slamming the door.

I launched myself on my black and white bed paisley patterned spread and tried to hold back more tears. I traced the patterns on the duvet, opening my eyes wide and not blinking, trying to dry out my eyes. Suddenly, I surged to my feet. I ran past Petunia, down to the basement. I ran back up, now carrying folded up cardboard boxes and a couple suitcases. I ran back down and hauled my trunk, too angry to do everything by magic. It felt good to work. But by Merlin, I was going to be ready to get out of this house as soon as possible, with its bad memories and the feeling of an unexploded bomb between Petunia and me.

I opened the suitcases, throwing open my closets and dumping clothes in with wild abandon. I looked at the chaos and sighed, taking time to fold and organize my clothes so they would fit. I went into the bathroom, sweeping what toiletries I'd left here into a bag. I returned to my room, packing all my knick knacks, everything from my desk, and anything else in there not necessary for me to live for the next 3 days.

I ran downstairs with another box and ran into the kitchen. I pulled out the dishes, taking half the plates, bowls, cups, and silverware. I took one cookie sheet out of four and the second smallest pots and pans.

"What do you think you're doing?" screeched Petunia behind me.

I whirled to face her, my hair whipping around. "I'm taking what I need to live on my own, since you're kicking me out." My voice hissed out, lashing like a whip. She drew back, shocked. I'd never talked to her like that before, but I was stretched way past the point of breaking. I wasn't in the mood to be nice. I turned back around, moving through the house and taking my fair share of everything. Neither of our parents had had a will.

At last, I'd packed up all the boxes with what I needed to survive and I returned upstairs. I sat on my bed and looked around my room, bare except for the packed boxes. And that, more than anything else, made me want to curl up and cry. I was leaving this safe haven for a world unknown and that was scarier than any Dark Wizard.

_Sooooo…? Tell me what you think? I know it's short, but tough. I am unsympathetic to your suffering! MWAHAHAHAHA! …JK, I just have serious writer's block. Sorry guys._


	7. The Funeral and The Birthday

**A/N: Hey Guys! It's Padfoot! We're updating! ...We are currently about to go to a sleepover, so the excitement is definetly high, as well as the insanity level! lol! Be afraid be very afraid! lol! So here's to our faithful author-person! Take it away Prongs!**

_Meow._ ** Ok, like I said, the insanity level is high! ...STOP TRYING TO LICK MY ELBOW!**

Hi, this is Moony, and I approve this message! ...My friends are also very insane! 

**Yeah, so energy, high, awesome-ness, please enjoy this chapter, and let us know if you like it! We want to know if you like it! And leave a note for Moony!**

Chapter 7: The Funeral and The Birthday

The day of the funeral, I put on my black dress and heels, French braiding my hair simply down my back. Remus showed up exactly when I told him to and I gave him a hug before straightening his suit where I'd mussed it and getting into Mrs. Jenkins' car. Petunia had gotten a ride with her git boyfriend, Vernon.

"Mrs. Jenkins, this is Remus Lupin, a friend from school. He offered to come with me," I explained as I slid into the back seat of her little sedan. He shook her hand before sliding in after me.

"It's nice to meet you dear," replied Mrs. Jenkins, climbing with some difficulty into the front seat. "It's nice that Lily has someone here for her."

The rest of the drive was spent in silence. I gazed out the window with unseeing eyes as the trees were reduced to a flashing green blur. We pulled up into our little church and got out. I faced the doors and took a deep breath, rehearsing the Muggle story. _He had a heart attack_, I thought. _He couldn't call out, and there was no one to help him. And he died._ I bent over, gasping and clutching my torso, trying to keep myself together and not let the gaping hole in my middle engulf me.

I felt Remus come and pull me over around the corner, out of sight of curious passersby as Mrs. Jenkins continued in. He looked at me with concern.

"I can't do this Remus," I gasped, sitting on a bench and curling up. "It hurts so much. I can't stay whole anymore."

He sat next to me and wrapped his arms around me. "Come on Lily, you have to get through this. You'll hate yourself later if you don't do go. I'm right here, and I'll stay here for you."

I sat up slowly, trying to ignore the ripping still going on in my heart. The place where my parents were had ripped itself out and gone up to Heaven with them, not realize that it left me behind, broken. I pushed all that aside and slowed my breathing with difficulty, gaining control over my heart. I had to stay together just through the services, then I could leave and escape the condolences.

I straightened on the bench and leaned into Remus' hug. "How did we drift so far apart?" I murmured into his shoulder. "We used to be so close-"

"-And then I became friends with James Potter," he finished. "You couldn't stand him and you'd made your own friends. We thought we didn't need each other anymore."

"We were wrong. I missed you. You were always like my brother and I really missed studying with you and talking and all that stuff we used to do."

Remus smiled a bit. "So did I."

I stood and smoothed my dress. "I'm under control now," I said softly, looking at my feet. "We can go in." He stood and took my hand, leading me into the church. I sat in a pew, staring blindly and trying not to hyperventilate. The priest walked down the aisle to slow, sad music. I vaguely remember standing, sitting, kneeling, singing, and other normal mass things, but I wasn't really there. Not until it was time for Petunia and I to go up and close the casket together.

I looked down at my father's face, so peaceful that it could be sleeping, and shut the lid of the coffin. It settled into place with a dry click, and it suddenly hit me that I was alone in the world. Both of my parents were dead in boxes, soon to both be buried under 6 feet of earth. They could not come back.

I let out a choked sob and did what I did best. I ran. I lost one heel on the steps of the church, horribly reminiscent of Cinderella. This was it. Midnight had struck my fairy godmother wasn't coming back, and Prince Charming was a nonexistent dream. I kicked off my other heel.

I heard someone running after me and I ran even faster, through the falling snow. It was like terrible déjà vu from the Christmas Ball, except this time it was Remus chasing me, not Potter.

In the end, I did the same thing I had at the Christmas Ball and climbed a tree, this time a pine that hid me in the dark safety of its branches. I heard Remus walk under me, calling my name, but I didn't answer, instead staring blankly at the limbs cradling me high above the ground. I began to shiver, but didn't go inside until it was dark.

Remus was waiting for me. "You're not supposed to do that," he chided as I stood there with my teeth chattering. He sighed and pulled off his suit jacket, handing it to me. I accepted it with mute thanks, pulling it around my bare shoulders. I didn't deserve the warmth. I was the reason my father was dead.

Remus took in my expression and decided that I wasn't going to talk anytime soon. "Come on. I told Mrs. Jenkins I would take you home. She left her car for us and got a ride home with someone else." He handed me my shoes, then took my hand and led me through the dark church into the parking lot. He opened my passenger side door and helped me in, going around to the driver's seat and climbed in, starting the car and backing out with the ease of long practice. Seeing my questioning look, he said, "My mother's a Muggle. She taught me." After that, we rode in silence.

Only minutes later it seemed, I was being shaken awake. "Lily, we're here." I sat up blearily, rubbing my eyes. "Come on love." Remus came around and helped me out of the car, walking me to the door.

"Thanks Remus," I said, my voice cracking a little from disuse. I didn't bother to clear my throat.

"Anytime Lily. Take care of yourself, ok? Eat, sleep, shower. Don't let yourself sink into a fog," he ordered. After that, her kissed my forehead in an almost fatherly gesture, and left with a "Good night."

I stared at the door uncomprehendingly for a minute, before finally opening it with the key from my pocket. Mechanically, I went inside, shut and locked the door, and walked upstairs, barely remembering to change into pajamas before falling into bed. Tonight, my father starred in my dreams alongside my mother.

The next morning, I woke up early, far earlier than Petunia would ever dream of waking up, and discovered, to my surprise, that I didn't mind being awake. In fact, the early morning filled me with a peace that was lately very hard to find. I guess it was something about being awake while the rest of the world was asleep.

I showered, brushed my teeth, ate breakfast, and was out of the house by 8:00. I grabbed all my things, shrinking them, and apparated to Diagon Alley. No one saw me in the early morning light as I trudged up to the school and I managed to slip into the school unseen. I wandered upstairs to my dorm and entered after giving Ethel the password (Manticore), then went up to my room, passing Potter's closed door on the way there. I walked in and opened my closet first thing, unshrinking my boxes and piling them in a corner. Dusting off my hands, I shut the door on them and fell into bed, staring at the canopy. _What on Earth was I supposed to do now?_

When I woke again, even more tired than when I fell asleep, I stumbled down to the kitchen and grabbed a muffin, eating it hungrily. Glancing at the clock, I realized that it was now 2 in the afternoon. I shrugged. I had slept, but I definitely hadn't rested. I had dreamt instead.

After I ate, I went back up to my room and whistled out the window for Cicatrix. I spent the time until dinner with the thestrals, then went back up to my room to eat.

My days developed a pattern. _Wake up early, screaming. Take a shower. Eat. Brush teeth. Put on clothes. Pack lunch. Go visit thestrals. Come back for dinner. Go to bed, in an attempt to get rest. Dream. Wake up early, screaming…_ This was how I spent my time until the students returned. Sometimes, if I woke in the middle of the night, I would wander the halls like a ghost, trying not to think. Trying not to feel. Trying not to do anything but exist in the pale moonlight.

And then the others came back and ruined my perfect little routine. Now I had to add _Smile fakely. Go to class. Avoid questions. Avoid Potter. Attempt to tell my friends. Fail._ This went on for 3 months, until March 27th. Which was Potter's birthday.

Potter had been attempting to talk to me ever since that night, but I had succeeded in avoiding him by using Cicatrix to get in and out of my dorm and taking a different route to my classes every day. No matter what I did, he almost caught me every day, but I managed to give him the slip nonetheless.

He confused me. For six years, he had been pestering me to go out with him. Me, the boring bookworm and the one girl who couldn't care less about him. I was sure it was all just a game to him with me as the unwilling prize. If he could get Lily Evans to go out with him, then he had won.

But now, I was so confused. He had been tender. He had been caring. He had been understanding. He hadn't been arrogant, or a bully, or a prat, or anything I was used to him being. He had thrown me a curveball and I had no idea how to catch it. So I'd left the game.

But I wasn't sure this was game anymore. I wasn't sure this had ever been a game. Had it always been real life and I was just too blind to see what was going on? Could James Potter really not be so bad after all? Could I be… _happy_ with him? I couldn't find answers to these questions, so I just avoided them and Potter.

Until the day of his birthday. Black had decided to throw him a little party, and I was invited. And by invited, I mean dragged out of bed at 10:00 at night when I had just fallen asleep, handed a dress by Black and shoved into the bathroom.

"Black!" I pounded on the door.

"You're not coming out until you're in that dress!" he responded in a muffled voice. "Marly helped me pick it out, so it should fit and not look stupid. I was all for the gold one with the feathers and sequins, but she overruled me."

I sent a silent prayer of thanks to Merlin, holding the dress out to inspect it. It was short and black with one strap wrapping up so it would cross over my right shoulder. I slipped it on, feeling the warm fabric slide over my tired body. The skirt came down to just above my mid thigh, which left me fidgeting uncomfortably. Knowing Marly would kill me if I didn't, I leaned over the mirror to apply makeup, putting on mascara, eyeliner, gold eyeshadow, blush, and bright red lip stick. I pulled my hair up a few ways, then shrugged and let it tumble back down over my shoulders. I hadn't noticed before, but my hair had grown longer. It waved down to my mid back now, instead of just past my shoulders.

I opened the door and ignored Black thoroughly, going to my closet and opening the jewelry box that stood on a shelf by the door, taking out a gold necklace with a lily dangling from it and several gold bangles, which I slipped on. Then I slipped into black strappy heels and turned to face Black. "Ready," I said, resigned.

He was gaping a little, but snapped his mouth shut. "You look pretty," he said matter of factly. "Come on."

Before I had time to respond to his strange comment, he had grabbed my wrist and was towing me out of my room and down the steps. I was thankful that Potter seemed to already be wherever we were going, so there was no awkward journey. I was too tired to feel right now.

Black pulled me to the seventh floor, to a door I'd never noticed before, and into the pure chaos that was a Marauders' party. There were pulsing lights, lots of drunk people, and not nearly enough clothes, personal space, or air. Basically, it was not my cup of tea.

Black disappeared into the fray after telling me I wasn't allowed to leave and he'd just come and find me if I did. I believed him. It was something he'd do. I edged around the walls of the room to the refreshments table, grabbing a bottle of water and gulping it down before grabbing another and glancing warily around the room.

I was just considering completely ignoring Black's warning and ditching the party when Mary, Marly, and Alice found me.

"Lily, why aren't you dancing?" yelled Mary over the music.

"I don't feel like it!" I yelled back. This was my excuse for lots of things lately.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Lily, that excuse is so old it creaks. I know it's Potter's party, but why don't you at least try to have fun for once?"

_Because I'm still grieving_. "Ok, fine."

I let myself be pulled from my comfortable corner onto the dance floor and tried to make it look like I was having fun. Apparently, I failed.

Alice looked at me, then dragged me over to my previous corner, leaving the other two on the floor. "Lily, what's wrong? I can tell you're faking it."

I opened my mouth, prepared to lie, but was startled by tears running down my cheeks. "Oh Alice! I've been hiding it for so long. I just couldn't tell you guys, I couldn't bear it." She looked startled, but pulled a tissue out of her purse and handed it to me.

"Shh Lily, you're ok. What is it?"

I looked her square in the eye. "Both of my parents are dead." She gasped in horror. "Mum got hit by a drunk driver before school started. Dad was attacked by Death Eaters the night of the Christmas Ball. Petunia kicked me out of the house."

She leaned in to hug me. I buried my face in her shoulder. "Oh honey! You should have told us. All that and Diggory besides, and we were always worrying over something so petty. I feel so bad now!"

"Don't," I said, voice muffled by her shoulder. "I didn't tell you and I should have. I just couldn't bear the pity."

"You do know that you need to tell Marly and Mary now, right? They'll never forgive me if I'm the only one who knows," Alice pointed out.

"Can you do me a favor and do it for me please?" I asked, wiping my eyes. "I don't want to do it again."

"Alright. Wait here." She left, winding her way through the dancers to our friends. At the same time, I saw Black making his way towards me.

"Hey Muffin, come here!"

"What now Black?" I sighed. "I'm really not in the mood-"

"I will not take no for an answer!" he said cheerfully, grabbing my wrist again. I sent a pleading look towards where the other girls had been, but they had disappeared behind a crowd of others. I let Black pull me to the back wall, where there was another door. He opened it and gestured gallantly. "Ladies first!"

I regarded him suspiciously. "I don't know Black-" but before I got any farther, he shoved me in and slammed the door behind me.

I crashed into someone's chest and felt arms go around my waist to keep me from falling. "Lily?" came a boy's voice. A light clicked on. It was Potter.

**A/N: Sooooooo...please review! We want to hear you!**

Oh, I **(Moony)**would like to insert that I am hugging my Yu-Gi-Oh pillow!

**Get off my computer Woman! please review!**


	8. The Closet and The End

**A/N: Hey! This is Padfoot! This is the last chapter! Hope you have enjoyed the series! Without further ado, here is Prongs!**

_Hi peoples! I had a lot of fun writing this for you all and I hope you like it! This is my last story for a while because my muse is on vacation. Thank you Padfoot for being moral support through this whole thing!_

**Soo dont worry about her, I'll convince her to add at least a couple one-shots with me-**

_If this convincing involves duct tape, explosives, or Carlos I'm going to be mad at you forever._

**Oh COME on, you _know_ you love Carlos! And it probly wont...I wont make any promises and you cant make me! **

_Whatever. Just let the nice people read the story now._

**Fine...not that anyone ever reads my stories...*tear* Ok well enjoy! You're going to love this!**

Chapter 8: The Closet and The End

"Lily?" I groaned and extracted myself from his arms and began beating my head against the wall. I could not deal with this right now. A callused hand slipped between my forehead and the wall and I turned to glare at Potter.

"Can't you just let me beat myself senseless? I don't want to do this." There was nowhere to run in this small closet. I couldn't escape this time.

He looked at me for a minute with an unreadable expression in his eyes. Then he did something completely unexpected. He turned away.

As I gaped at his back, he turned and leaned against the wall with his head slumped backwards, still not looking at me. "Do you know how impossible you are to love?" My mouth opened and closed, searching for an answer to give him, but he wasn't done yet.

"Every time I lay myself out in front of you, I get pushed away, and I _try_, I try _so hard _to stop caring, so it'll stop hurting. But I can't. I can't stop caring about you Lily." He turned toward me, eyes blazing. "I can't stop loving you Lily, no matter how many times you push me away. You're killing me Lily, and I don't know how much longer I can stand it."

I stared at him, my mouth open, then I turned and punched the wall. "Why can't my life make sense?" I punched it again, then kicked it a few times. I pounded both arms into the wall, then rested my head against it quietly. My back was to Potter, and he made no move to stop me from hurting myself. I could feel him just staring at my back. I spoke to the wall.

"Nothing makes sense anymore. You were the one thing I could count on to not change, even as my world crumbled around me." I laughed bitterly. "I knew I'd always be able to hate you, because I knew that I was just a piece your games. I was just a prize to be won. But you stopped being pratty and I was sure it was just one more trick. You couldn't possibly _care_! There's nothing about me to care about."

I whirled around, sliding down to sit against the wall with my head in my hands. I continued on, a bit hysterical now. "I'm the little girl with her nose perpetually buried in a book who always knows the right answer in class. I have a grand total of three friends and I'm only tolerably pretty. Even then, that's only when Marly's been working on me. What could you possibly like about me, except for the fact that I didn't want you? I was a challenge. And then I wasn't. You treated me like I _mattered_. It confused me so much. That's the problem with you Potter. You keep throwing me off balance and I can't tell which way is up anymore."

He was looking at me with a strange light in his eyes. "You don't see yourself very clearly, do you?" Then he did the second unexpected thing of the night. He reached up and turned off the light. I lurched to my feet and stood warily in the middle of the room. I didn't even hear him until he spoke from right behind me, in a voice that was the barest breath of a whisper.

"Do you want to know what I see? I see a girl who's so beautiful it could just break your heart." He circled me as he spoke, his hands trailing gently over my shoulders or my arms, so I still knew where he was. Shivering at his warm touch, I still made no move to stop him. I was frozen. He continued.

"I see a girl who doesn't know her beauty, even though it shines through every pore in her body so that it practically blinds you when you look at her. I see a girl who's confident and smart and knows exactly what she wants from this world and how to get it. And I see a girl who wants to be strong, even when she's down, who wants to be whole, even when she's broken, and is so immovably stubborn that she won't admit that she needs help. I used to see a girl who didn't think twice about rejecting me, every time. But right now, I see a girl who's beginning to doubt her rejection. And Lily? That girl is giving me hope." The last word was barely audible and it came from directly in front of my face.

The brush of his lips against mine was so feather light that at first I thought I'd imagined it. But then he came back, a little more forceful this time. And I was lost.

I deepened the kiss, threading my fingers into his hair. With a wild gasp, he pushed me into the wall behind my back. I welcomed the support. My knees were shaking, and even as I gripped his face in my hands, I was thinking of my parents. I was betraying them, doing this right after they'd died. What would they think of me now, if they could see me? But I couldn't pull myself away from Potter.

Why? Why couldn't I pull away? And suddenly, Potter himself answered the question.

He pulled back and said in a husky voice, "I love you Lily."

I froze, and so did he. That was it, that's why he was so persistent, so understanding and caring. All the pieces clicked into place and I suddenly realized what I'd been denying to even myself since the beginning of the year- James Potter really, truly loved me.

The new, less annoying demeanor.

The protective way he jumped into the room when he'd heard me yelling from nightmares.

The way he sometimes followed me around to make sure I was ok.

His reluctance to let me date Diggory.

The connection we'd felt at the Yule Ball.

And especially the way he'd chased me down, stopped me from hurting myself, stayed with me during my nightmares when I asked him to, and then didn't blame me, confront me, or push me when I left him alone the next morning. When I ran.

I let out a sharp breath. "It's really true, isn't it? And all this time, I thought you were pretending…" I trailed off as more pieces fell into place.

Even from the beginning of the year, I was a little intrigued by this new Potter. I didn't throw him out of my room during the nightmares, nor did I get rid of him when he followed me out to the thestrals. I accepted his ideas, I danced with him at Yule and felt the connection, I let him comfort me, I asked him to stay. I felt guilty about leaving him. I finally saw the thing I'd been avoiding admitting to myself for the past 3 months.

_I was in love with James Potter_.

My parents wouldn't hate me for loving someone. They'd be so happy that their baby girl, their little Lily had found someone to love. They'd want me to live my life.

I looked up, startled, into the glowing hazel and gold eyes of James Potter. They were the only things I could see in this dark room, other than a vague, blurry outline of where his body was. "I- I think I love you too. James."

He grinned hugely. "Then it's settled. You are most definitely living with me and Sirius this summer." I rolled my eyes that he would think of such a thing right now, but I smiled anyway.

"Just shut up and kiss me," I muttered, pulling him back down to me. This was it. I could finally let go of my parents, not completely. Not in a 'forgetting them' way, but in an 'I can move on' way. I could be happy with the man who was completely devoted to me.

Later, when it was late and we were sitting against the wall and each other and James was playing with a lock of my hair, I finally worked up the courage to ask him a question I'd been wondering about for a while. "James?"

"Yes love?"

"Who was it that died? The reason you can see thestrals?"

He paused, then continued winding and unwinding a strand of my hair around his finger. "It was my father. I'd gone with him to work one day. You know he was Head Auror? Well he got called away. I wasn't supposed to go, but I grabbed him cloak as he was Disapparating. He was pretty mad at me, but didn't have time to take me back to the Ministry. He pushed me under a fallen log and told me to stay there until he came for me. He was almost to the other side of the clearing when it happened.

"Some Death Eaters came out of the trees near me, so their backs were facing me. My dad started to duel them, but there were four. He began losing and eventually, one of them wounded him on his leg. They killed him as he fell. If he hadn't had to stop to hide me and tell me to stay put, he might have made it. I was five."

I sucked in a sharp breath. "I'm sorry."

He nuzzled the top of my head with his nose. "It's ok. You just can't let it drag you down. If I'd let myself believe every day that it was my fault that he'd died, I would have been pulled down too. I had to accept that _he'd_ accepted this when he became an Auror, the possibility of this happening. He could have died on a million other missions. It was just fate that he died on this one."

I shook my head, marveling. "I still feel guilty about my dad's death. The Death Eaters attacked our house because I'm a Muggle born." I turned my head away, face burning with shame.

"But it's _not_ your fault, and your dad would say the same. They could have just as easily attacked your family simply for being Muggles at all. You have to realize that you did not pick up your wand, point it at you father, and say 'Avada Kedavra.'"

"I might as well have," I muttered. Then I sighed. "But you're right. I can't let this weigh me down." And finally, I completely forgave myself for who I was: a brilliant witch, who just happened to be Muggle born, who had nothing to do with the death of her father. I cried with relief into James' shirt and he let me get it all out, wrapping his arms around me. We stayed that way for the rest of the night.

When the door opened the next morning, I was ready for Sirius. I came out swinging and hit him on the ribcage. "That," I said angrily, as he bent over in pain "is for locking me in the closet with James Potter overnight without my permission." I stepped forward and kissed him on the cheek. "And that is for making me realize what an idiot I've been not to want it."

"What the hell? So was it a good thing or a bad thing?" he called to me. I merely twiddled my fingers at him in response as James caught up with me and caught my hand. Sirius began to celebrate. "YES! It worked. Feel free to bow down to me, Master of All That Is Love, and shower me with gifts of-" As one, James and I turned and shot spells at him. He fell over paralyzed, with brilliant purple hair.

"Excellent use of Petrificus Totallus," my new boyfriend complimented me.

"I've had lots of practice," I teased. "I thought the purple hair was a nice touch myself."

"Why thank you. Shall we go to breakfast?" He offered me his arm with a bow.

"We shall." I took his arm and we started off for the Great Hall, leaving an incensed Sirius Black behind us. Just before we turned the corner, I looked back at him and called, "Thank you!"

As we turned down a new corridor, James said thoughtfully, "You know, we really owe that child now."

I waved my hand vaguely. "We'll make him godfather of our first child."

James lit up. "Our child. Do you know how hot that is?" He kissed me.

I pulled away and laughed. "Can you keep it in your pants for five minutes? That's coming _way_ later. You'll have to marry me first you know."

He pulled me into his arms, leaning his forehead against mine. "Oh, I don't think I'll have a problem with that. Mrs. Lily Potter."

I giggled. "That is so hot," I quoted, kissing him. "But that's our future. Let's just live today first."

He sighed and looked into my eyes. "I'll wait for you," he breathed.

"I know. You won't have to wait long this time."

"I know."

"I love you, James Potter."

"I love you too, Lily Evans."

"Forever?" I asked.

"Forever," he confirmed. And truly? That was all I needed to hear.

**A/N: You loved it didnt you! Yup you did! Ok, so please review and tell us if you loved, liked, or hated it! Please review to help me convince Prongs to keep writing! If enough people help, we can make a diffence. **

_Wow, you're making me sound like a charity._

**...weeeeell...you could be a charity case! Lol! Kidding! Please dont kill me! ...NOT THERE! PLEASE DONT HIT ME THERE! *sniffle* she hit me!**

_Yes. Yes I did. She's just wimpy. Anyway, leave a review please!_

**HEY! I RESENT THAT! Anyway, I'm going to repost Prongs's two stories, with added comentary! I hope you will enjoy it! It will deffinitely be interesting...Ok, so Review and we'll catch ya later!**


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